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The funniest jokes from June last year:
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Joke List: Highest Rated (From Week Starting Jun 25, 2006)
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So I just got back from China Town, or Asia Town, not really sure, all I know is there were many pointy eyes, anyway I learned something there, and thought I would share it with you all, so I was on the train and a little Chinese girl started crying, it was so weird, Chinese babies cry just like our American babies, I don’t know I always thought, that we were the only ones who cried, it was just a weird thing to hear. So I didn’t know what to do, finally I just got up, and I said “Stop crying ching chong I’m trying to read", because here in America we know how to read. For some reason I got all these disturbing looks from all the pandas in the train, pshh like they could understand what I was saying, I was talking in English. Then some ching chong panda on the train, stands up and says "We're not Chinese were Korean." Um hello there ping-pong its the same thing.
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This is a homework assignment I received from my English teacher, I just finished it what do you think?
Response should be at least one page double-spaced. Respond thoughtfully. 1. Recall a situation in which you felt controlled by fear. Explain. From what I remember, I have never really been controlled by fear, I am fearless, real men are not controlled by anyone, or anything but I could have been afraid as a child I do not remember, and to be honest, if I was controlled by fear, I would not admit it to you, ManRib. Actually here’s a fear, I fear you without clothes, I fear seeing your fat ass camel toe naked, I’m hiding under my pillow just thinking about it. 2. Why do/did you have this fear? What created it? (Speculate if you aren’t sure.) Why do I have this fear, hmm well every time I see a fat chick where tight jeans, the way you do, I just get this fear, of what if I have to see them naked? Its quite disturbing in my mind, I guess you can blame yourself for this fear. 3. Is it a rational fear? Explain your reasoning. Yes id have to say this fear is very rational, I’m quite sure just about every person in all of Torrey pines that has seen you walk throughout the campus has this fear. 4. How does/did your fear impact your behavior (both in the situation and in general)? In a situation where I have to talk to you, it impacts my behavior, I’m afraid to look at you, and I’m afraid to talk to you, as you might get some sexual vibe and get naked, in general when you are not around it does not affect me
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Well it was a Sunday night, bored out of my mind like usual, so off of the suggestion of two ManRib’s in my math class I downloaded the movie She’s the Man and let me spare you two hours, now before watching the movie I had seen the previews, and it looked like the stupidest piece of shit, but even I the Ari has been fooled before. So I started the movie, the first few minutes started with Amanda Bines, from now on I will refer to as flatty, so anyway it shows how flatties soccer team is in big trouble boo hoo, now this really pissed me off, because ManRibs’s do not play soccer, they kick a ball around, so anyway flatty goes out and tries to make a Man’s soccer team, which in real life would be impossible, as ManRib’s are slower, weaker, and less of a person than us men, anyway it was a movie, so I’d let the director have her make believe fun, basically the whole time watching this predictable sack of crap, I was wondering why I was still watching it, but I always stick it out until the end, so of course struggles in the beginning, makes the team, people find out she’s a ManRib and then they forgive her. After watching this I think I might go out and rent all copies of this movie, then burn them in the store, laughing historically while saving many people from this terrible movie. Basically after reading this I hope I have saved you all from watching this ManRibish predictable bag of dog shit on fire. Definition of ManRib = Any female/girl History of ManRib = Eve was made from Adams rib, which means she is a ManRib, which in turn means all females are ManRib’s, this word was created by the great Ari. Heres a picture of flatty 
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I hate the World Cup. It blows. Mostly because I watched the USA team and we suck. We scored two goals in three games. Not bad for four years of training. By the way, one of our goals was scored accidentally by the other team! We have no big scorer. You're telling me the USA can't produce one big soccer star? It's kicking a ball! We need a guy with one name. That's the key. Brazil is full of them. They have Rolidinho, Rinaldo, Kafu, and my favorite name ever: Caca. That's what we need! A guy named after excrement. Like DooDoo or PeePee. We were eliminated by Ghana. Ghana? I don't even know where Ghana IS and they beat us! Do you know that they had to shut down the mine shafts in Ghana to conserve electricity so the country would have enough power for their television to run? The first thing I thought was—Ghana has a television? Next thing you know they'll have nukes! How did we not pay them off? Pssst—hey goalie, I'll give your whole team XBoxes and dentistry for a year if you let us score. The saddest part is that the experts said we were sending the best team we ever had! Really? Shouldn't we have sent the USA women's team? They won the thing didn't they? I think Mia Hamm would have scored at least one goal. Speaking of girls, I'm convinced that soccer players are the biggest babies in the world. Somebody misses the ball and touches an opponent's ankle, the guy falls on the ground like he was hunting with Dick Cheney. And if he stays down for five seconds, they bring out a stretcher like you're watching an episode of "MASH." Of course, once they get worked on by the trainer, they sprint right back in like it was the end of "Heaven Can Wait." What happened—Mommy kissed the boo-boo? Or did they replace the guy's tampon? Wait, that's it! Our next big star should be Boo-Boo! Yes! Look out world ... in 2010, here comes the USA! |
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Kevin Richardson has announced that he's leaving the Backstreet Boys. In other news of similar significance, I continue to dislike baby corn.
(Unless it's in a stir-fry or something, then I can put up with it. But if given the choice, I'd rather it not be there. Really, how can full-grown adult corn be so good, and baby corn be so bad? Baby CARROTS taste as good as big carrots, I imagine baby HUMANS taste good or even better than adult humans. I mean, I haven't eaten baby human. I'm vegan, and before I went vegan, I had only tried adult human.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that someone should have eaten the Backstreet Boys when they were babies. (Great taste, less filling our ears with garbage.)
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Next Week
Most of the dogs participating in Sunday's Gay Pride Parade in New York City are not actually gay themselves, says Michael Garzone, a spokeperson for the Heterosexual Canine Rights Organization. "Many of these dogs were chosen by their gay owners for their dainty appearance, but the majority of them are bitch-loving heteros, and many are having emotional difficulties coping with the stupendously gay outfits they are forced to wear around town. "Nothing personal against these queers," said one Shitzu, dressed as Strawberry Shortcake in drag, "But this outfit is gayer than a dildo-shaped dog bone. How am I supposed to get laid in this dress?" You can donate to the foundation Garzone has set up to help fund the therapy these mistakenly outed pooches will need at: 
