I realize now that the title of my last post could be the name of a porno movie. a porno that would rock the beliefs of the catholic church even more than "Mother Teresa: Backdoor Trooper."

Madden ‘07 cover boy Shaun Alexander is sidelined with a foot injury continuing the Madden Curse. John, if you’re planning the 2008 cover, I’d like to suggest Paris Hilton.

Aerosmith's Steven Tyler admitted he suffered a three-year battle with hepatitis, shocking his fans who thought he'd had it much longer than that.

A group of Middle Eastern immigrants has sued the federal government, claiming their citizenship applications were intentionally slowed by agents.

Don't they know that waiting in line for government services without cause is the surest sign that they're already Americans?

America’s loss in the Ryder compliments their losses in the Davis Cup, the World Cup, the World Basketball Championships, the Olympics, and the dollar.

The last time the Americans won an international competition was the Persian Gulf.

Researchers studying 3-D images of the "Mona Lisa" say she was probably either pregnant or had just given birth when she sat for Leonardo da Vinci's 16th-century masterpiece.

Paternity tests implicated this man:

Mel Gibson criticized the Iraq war during a recent press conference, saying they we shouldn't be shedding needless blood over there. Which makes sense, since they hate Jews, too.

Dallas Cowboy Terrell Owens is denying that his recent trip to the hospital was a suicide attempt saying he couldn’t possibly find time to kill himself when he’s too busy killing Dallas’ season.

The University of Phoenix bought the naming rights to the Arizona Cardinals' new stadium. The move will honor the Cardinals’ long tradition of mediocrity. The stadium is just like a degree from the University of Phoenix - shiny on the outside, empty on the inside.

Chapter 1:  Buy a Corvette (and since you're Asian, hire a driver)

Chapter 2:  Keep a collection of Dave Matthews CD's on hand

Chapter 3:  Act really interested in her ratty notebook full of poems

Chapter 4:  Lose every argument

Chapter 5:  Practice sleeping on athe very edge of the bed

Chapter 6:  Win the lottery

Chapter 7:  Make sure your bed has about 20 pillows for no real reason

Chapter 8:  Develop an appreciation for rearranging furniture

Chapter 9:  Buy lots of tupperware, candles, and other products from her imaginary store