It was an old, exploding ball of gas that was once a star.

Health officials report that swine flu can be transmitted through direct contact with pigs--really bad news for Bill Clinton.

In order to avoid contracting the Swine Flu, the World Health Organization recommends staying away from areas where large numbers of people gather.  Like Paris Hilton's vagina.

Saw a book titled "Anxiety and Depression For Dummies" yesterday in the store... Not sure it's the brightest idea to label someone looking for mental health help a "dummy".

Celebutard newlyweds Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are honeymooning in Mexico this week, despite the outbreak of the swine flu.

I would rather honeymoon on the floor of the bathroom at the Port Authority bus terminal. In August. With no AC.

In other moron news, an orthodox Jewish family from New York has decided to time travel to 1939 Poland. 

Thousands of Kenyan women have vowed to go on a weeklong sex strike to protest their country's leadership in hopes that the boycott will persuade men to pressure the government to make peace. I admire what these women are doing, although its really just a week that nobody gets AIDS.

Coincidentally, yesterday Senator Ted Kennedy also changed parties--he left a wine-tasting party and went to a beer party.

...an alcoholic transvestite, in court for a 3rd DUI, was given a choice by the judge of 6 weeks in jail or rehab...after completing the 6 week stay, the man returned to court and was asked by the judge how he felt...."Queen and sober" was the reply. 

Rock Star John Mellencamp's son won the lightweight division title at the Indiana Golden Gloves boxing tournament. He later celebrated by sucking down chili dogs outside the Tasty Freez.