A mystery surrounding the whereabouts of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford was apparently solved late Monday when a Sanford spokesman said he was hiking along the Appalachian Trail.  The spokesman said the governor was upset and just wanted to be alone after learning that Jon and Kate were getting a divorce.  

1/ Official cause of death: "The Boogie". The Sunshine, Moonlight and the Good Times were released after extensive questioning showed they could not be blamed. (joke attributed to Ugggggh Tommy)

2/ The body bag had a lesser plastic content than its occupant

3/  ...and you thought he smelled "Bad" before..

4/ He's releasing two new posthumous albums: "Chiller" and "Gangrenous"

5/  Q. What's a Jackson fo(u)r?
      A. Nothing. That's just the number that remain!

6/ He should have been the tinman in "The Wiz", at least that way he woulda got a new heart.

7/ His heart just stopped - "It had obviously Got Enough" (joke attributed to Bo)

8/ At least he won't need makeup for the Thriller video remake

9/ Michael Jackson is in heaven and he meets God.

    God says "Come to me, my child."
    MJ thinks, "I know where this is heading..."

10/ Macaulay Culkin's new movie: "Weekend Home Alone at Bernie's"

Since Michael Jackson was 99% plastic he will be melted down and turned into Lego blocks. That way children can play with him for a change. 

Reality show stars Jon and Kate Gosselin of TLC's  "Jon & Kate plus 8" are finally getting a divorce after months of feuding.

There will be a new reality show to cover the divorce proceedings, to be called "Jon & Kate plus 8 Jewish attorneys."

Jessica Simpson has a new fragrance that she claims is inspired by boyfriend Tony Romo. The fragrance starts out smelling great but fades quickly.

I've heard the vagina called a lot of things i.e. hair pie, whisker biscuit, fly trap, Christina Augilera,   but "hiking the Appalachin Trail" is new on me. 

Kate Threatens Jon With The Worst STD known to any man,

 Child Support!

McDonalds added the McJackson Burger on it's menu today.  It's 50 year old meat between 10 year old buns. 

So many woman these days are being publicized for having multiple births

Jon and Kate Plus 8

Octomom

The Duggars (18 and Counting)

to name a few,

Ladies let me remind you, the vagina is not a clown car 

The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien

Kodak retires Kodachrome film making Paul Simon more relevant than he's been in 20 years.