An athlete who placed second in the women's 800 meters was forced to give back her medal because, "She did not possess the characteristics of a woman."

Said an official, "We knew something was wrong when Christopher Hitchens thought she was funny."

The Associated Press reports that a school board in Cobb County Georgia has abandoned a four year battle for the right to place stickers on their high school science textbooks calling evolution a "theory, not a fact."

"We faced the distraction and expense of starting all over with more legal actions and another trial. With this agreement, it is done and we now have a clean slate for the new year." - Cobb County school board chairwoman Teresa Plenge.

Translated: "We'd really rather not endure a fifth year of judges laughing and pointing."

Party photos of another Miss America contestant have surfaced.  The pictures reportedly show Katie Rees (Miss Nevada 2007) exposing her breasts, passionately kissing other young women, and simulating oral sex with females and a male.

Earlier this month, Rees was the guest of honor at a Special Olympics bowling tournament and last month attended an event for underprivileged children.

Tickets are sold out for Miss Nevada's upcoming charity appearance at the Make-A-Wish foundation.

The president of the Miss Universe Organization said Miss USA Tara Conner will not be dethroned. They released a statement saying "The Organization and Mr. Donald J. Trump will be evaluating her behavioral and personal issues”...

And by “evaluating” Trump means, repeating the bathing suit portion of the contest. And by “personal”, he means; in his personal suite at The Trump Hotel.

Congressman Virgil Goode (R-Idiot-VA) sent out a letter to constituents that unless immigration is tightened, "many more Muslims" will be elected and will use the Koran at their ceremonial swearing-in.

Congressmen should be free to swear-in on books that reflect their deeply held beliefs.  As a result, incoming representatives will now have their choice of swearing in on either the Bible, the Koran or a stack of back issues of Barely Legal.

You can tell Congessman Goode is an experienced politician.  He was able to execute the difficult political maneuver of trashing both open immigration and religious freedom in one letter - a feat that earned him a 9.75 from the international panel of judges (after you throw out North Korea's high score of a perfect 10.0). 

Memo to Congressman Goode: Last time we checked it's called The Statue of Liberty, not The Statue of Circumscribed Freedoms.

When C-SPAN aired the Fox v. FCC case live, the broadcast ended up being filled with the same expletives that the FCC is rallying against. No joke here, that's just fucking awesome.

"Excuse us please, we're looking for - April Brucker?" 

There may be another virgin birth this Christmas.

Flora, a Komodo dragon in a British zoo, is pregnant with 8 babies, but has never mated with a male dragon, and is said to have fertilized all of her own eggs.*

So the Second Coming is here, and it's more awesome than we could have imagined:
Jesus is now 8 dragons.

WWJD? Come back as Godzilla meets Voltron.

*That, or they'll come out looking like half-zookeeper.

"I've always been a believer in second chances," Trump, who owns the Miss Universe Organization with NBC, said with Conner at his side.

Trump said he and Conner had met earlier Tuesday morning.

"She left a small town in Kentucky and she was telling me that she got caught up in the whirlwind of New York," Trump said. "At least that's what I think she said, it's always hard to understand what women are saying when you're banging them from behind. But it's clear she's willing to do what it takes to keep her title."

A hooded jacket from Sean "Diddy' Combs clothing line was pulled from Macy's because it has canine fur. The fur was discovered by animal rights activists to be the Chinese breed Snoop Doggy Dim Sum.

“I will leave the country if Hillary Clinton becomes president.” –Dick Morris on "Hannity & Colmes"

This means that if Hillary Clinton becomes president, Dick Morris will most likely not leave the country.