American Idol runner up Clay Aiken told the world yesterday that he is gay.

Which is ironic, because the world has been telling him he's gay for years.

Two souls intertwine forever. One of them is still wearing socks.

The Homeland Security Department has unveiled an early version of an anxiety-detecting machine that could spot terrorists.  Crtics say the machines are unreliable and may just detect those afraid of flying, passengers whose flights have been delayed,  or people who have invested in financial stocks.

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson's brilliant $700 billion plan could buy every single American 2,000 McDonald's apple pies.

The Giants are rumored to be trading starting pitcher Matt Cain to the Brewers in the off-season for first baseman Prince Fielder, shortstop J.J. Hardy and another player. It's still unclear whether the other player will be used to strengthen the Giants' bullpen or will simply be reserved for Prince Fielder to snack on.

To celebrate their 100th anniversary, General Motors is giving the public the same deal it gives to its employee's.  So they'll sell you a crap car, fire you, and ship your job to Mexico. 

Saints left guard Jamar Nesbit has been suspended without pay for violating the NFL's policy on steroids. Authorities first suspected Nesbit was juicing after noticing he kept on bumping his head on the roof of the Superdome.

The Cowboys managed to beat the Packers 27-16 for their very first win at Lambeau Field. You know something has gone horribly awry when Hell is frozen over and Lambeau Field isn't.

I understand America's excitment over Sarah Palin.  It's simple. This is the first Vice President that people would want to fuck.  Sure, Al Gore could stay stiff for days but his personality turned people off.

On the "Late Show," David Letterman talks about John McCain suspending his campaign in order to solve the economic problem.  It's the bailout keeping him away.