Today the girl was stripped of her title when it came to light that she had texted her opposition to gay marriage.

And what made this victory extra sweet is he proved he could win without Shaquille O'Neal. 

Upon release of this FDA report, sales of Zicam skyrocketed in New Jersey.  

Mystery surrounds Lindsay Lohan once again in the the disappearance of  jewelry worth $400,000 while modeling  .  On December 19, 2008 someone broke into Paris Hilton's home in Beverly Hills and made off with over $2,000,000  worth of jewerly and other valuables .  According to Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau , the only person with the skill and the  motivation  in the L.A. area was Lindsay Lohan , aka  " Lady Claudine Lytton ,"  daughter of  Sir Charles Lytton of  Pink Panther fame .  Clouseau went on to say he feels another lady may have also been involved . Today police brought in Winona Ryder for questioning .

...2 medical marijuana clubs in Oakland, CA were broken into and robbed of their inventory.  Police have no suspects.  Operators of the clubs believe the robberies are connected and are launching a joint investigation. 

The FCC fielded 800,000 calls last week after the government mandated switch to digital television.

How can they just switch everyones television signal to digital without giving any kind of advance warning.  They should have been running advertising warning people that this was going to happen.

This is why people hate the government.  They just don't communicate with the citizens about what's going on in their country.

Because the government refuses to communicate with it's populous I'm going to step in and inform you that the government has a plan to thin out the population by imprisoning, sterilizing and even euthanizing stupid people.

The first 800,000 to be rounded up will be the idiots who called the FCC about the switchover to digital TV.

If the Sammy Sosa steroid accusations are proven true, the Cubs will have to forfeit all their championships. Wait a minute . . .

PETA is upset that President Obama killed a fly in an inhumane manner.Actor Jeff Goldblum is also reportedly crushed.

Due to the slumping economy, Six Flags is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.  Ironically, when they get to bankruptcy court, they'll have to wait in a line a mile long for two hours only to realize later that this ride really sucks. 

*This joke was also submitted to Late Night w/ Jimmy Fallon.

Michael Phelps has come to the conclusion that if he was a professional tennis player,he would definitely prefer grass over clay.