Denver, Colorado (AP) - A 15-year-old girl can enter into a common-law marriage in Colorado, a state appeals court ruled Thursday.

Shortly after the ruling, comedian RUSS MENEVE telephoned his agent to inquire about bookings at The Denver ComedyWorks.

my brain says border enforcement

but my stomach says amnesty

 Original Recipe or Extra Contagious?

What really blows my mind about iPods is all the accessories. You can't go into a store or open a magazine without seeing 200 things you can plug your iPod into these days. They've got jeans you can plug them into, toilet paper holders, they've got shoes now - Nike has shoes...seriously. I'm waiting for Apple to tap into that niche market of lonely women who like to download music by coming out with the iBrator:

"1000 songs in your...um...pocket"

I went to the park today. I sat on a bench. I reflected. All this while eating a turkey and provolone sandwich. Wow, I can multi-task.

A squirrel came over to me and asked me for a bite. (Well, he didn't ask, but you know...) So I peeled a piece of cheese off my sandwich and tossed it to him.

At which point a peculiar homeless guy, seated a few feet away from me and eating his own sandwich, said, "Be careful giving them cheese. Constipates 'em. Can't get their nuts out."

You learn whereever you go—you just have to be open to it.

The Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers star quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was in a potentially career-ending motorcycle accident yesterday.  In perhaps an overzealous reaction, the San Franciso 49ers purchased motorcycles for every single member of their team.

Early this morning, former Duke University basketball star J.J. Redick was arrested for drunk driving.  When questioned by the traffic cop, Redick said that all he remembers is stopping by the men’s lacrosse house to use the bathroom, and a half hour later he found himself heavily intoxicated and lying to police.

Anyone see the previews for Speed 3?  It appears that the much anticipated final installment in the trilogy takes a really odd turn involving seemingly zero's of motorized vehicles.  From what I can gather from the trailer, Keanu and Sandra Bullock take the boat from Speed 2: Cruise Control to a lakehouse, and action surely ensues.  While I'm still foggy on the plot details, surely this duo can do no wrong...

  ...except for the aforementioned Speed 2: Cruise Control.

I've been watching that NBC stand-up competition Last Comic Standing.  The talent level is so bad in this show that comedian and host Anthony Clark might actually have a chance.

When introducing judge Tim Meadows, Clark actually used the phrase "blockbuster hits such as Mean Girls and The Ladies Man".  You choose the punchline.