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The funniest jokes from January back in 2007:
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Congress held a hearing yesterday on baseball's steroid problem.
At least Congress can't be accused of hypocrisy on this issue. We know no one in Congress takes performance-enhancing drugs.
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Joke List: Highest Rated (From Week Starting Jan 13, 2008)
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 Being John Rambo at 62 has certain pluses and minuses:
1) The only thing stiff in the morning are your knees.
2) The bad guys can't sneak up on you: you pee 6 times a night.
3) Your camp is littered with Icy Hot patches.
4) You fall asleep while firing your M-60.
5) You haven't had a good crap since the mid-90s.
6) You're easier to track, they follow the scent of menthol (see #3).
7) Your sciatica means the hot Asian chick gives you a back rub instead of a front rub.
8) Medicaid hasn't kicked in yet.
9) Rambo V to be filmed in The Villages, FL.
10) Senior discounts at the Gun Shack.
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 I went to Chicago and brought some pot with me. In the morning I packed, and to have a better travel experience, I ingested some of my pot.
Mistake 1: "If I can't smell it, a dog can't." Even before I felt anything I made this rationalization.
Mistake 2: "I'm high. Oh, God. I'm really high." Being high on the Megabus was terrifying! I had already assumed bus security consisted of five or six cops with dogs sniffing for drugs, but instead of that I found the only security was provided by an old homeless man waving an empty forty at some people in downtown Cleveland. I was also sure Fred Flinstone was now driving the bus and I needed to find the trap door to brake with my feet before the next intersection.
Mistake 3: "Can all dogs smell marijuana?" was my next horror-stricken thought. The bigger mistake was asking the old woman next to me this question. Every stop we made I paced quickly past all the dog walkers on the street. One barked at me from behind a cracked car window: I swear to God, I heard it bark my name.
Mistake 4: Peanut butter. My friend told me peanut butter would cover up the scent, but because I was high, I didn't think about putting it in a container. I just took some off the sandwich I'd made and spread it around the bag. Now I had peanut butter pot in the front of my bag, and I'm sweating balls next to an old lady who thinks I'm about to stab her.
Mistake 5: Not smoking everything before coming back to my parents house. Then my dogs smelled the peanut butter and ate all my pot.
Good Choice 1: Their huge pug eyes swelled shut, and we each ate a bowl full of milk bones. My teeth have never felt more slippery and clean.
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The First Daughter plans to have a small family wedding on the Bush ranch in Crawford Texas. President Bush is expected to give away the bride, as part of a $20 billion arms deal with Saudi Arabia.
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PATCHOGUE -- The names of R&B music star Mary J. Blige, along with rap artists 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean, and award-winning author and producer Tyler Perry, have emerged in an Albany-based investigation of steroids trafficking that has already rocked the professional sports world, according to confidential sources.
Authorities became suspicious when 50 Cent was seen wearing 700 pounds of bling.
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NEW YORK: Scientists say they have produced embryos that are clones of two men, a potential step toward developing scientifically valuable stem cells.
The Bill Clinton and Al Gore clone will be the first black-bionic, presidential candidate.
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Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens broke down during an emotional defense of his quarterbacks's performance following Sunday's loss to the New York Giants.
Owens is now the the favorite to win the South Carolina Democratic primary.
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 Lindsay Lohan must work two days in a morgue as part of a court-ordered program.
"This'll be a piece of cake," Lohan predicted, "I spend pretty much every weekend surrounded by stiff guys."
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Next Week
The clone is groundbreaking because it creates the first same-sex, same-person relationship. 
Checkmate!
