I'm trying to get my girlfriend into foursomes, so I put a mirror in our bedroom.

During a news conference yesterday in Iraq, President Bush ducked two shoes that were thrown at him by an Arabic television correspondent.  An Iraqi authority was asked if the man would be punished.  "Of course, he will punished," the Iraqi authority said,  "he missed."

Police are confused, since men are usually told they can just come in anytime.

I can't afford Christmas shopping this year, so I'm giving my mother a set of 8 coasters.   Made out of old CDs sitting on my bookshelf!

I bought the DVD box set of Back To The Future, and on the box it said "10 Hours of Bonus Features".  I thought to myself, "What kind of a loser is going to watch 10 hours of bonus features?" Then I woke up sick today. 

Did you know that they started filming the first one with Eric Stoltz instead of Michael J. Fox? Did you know that some people thought those hover boards were real, but thought Mattel wasn't making them because of child safety laws! So lots of parents wrote Mattel and said they didn't care about their child's safety, just make the boards so they can get their kids to shut up. 

Newly acquired Francisco Rodriguez told the rest of the NL East that the Mets are the team to beat.  That sound you hear is the rest of New York not holding their breath. The Mets are actually the team to beat, as proven by the Phillies the last two years.

Los Angeles police are investigating a burglary at Paris Hilton's home they say left her bedroom ransacked and about $2 million in jewelry missing.  The burglar is the first man to leave Paris Hilton's bedroom with valuable jewelry and no STD. 

I was able to get my hands on George Bush’s farewell speech, which he will give on his last day in office. It goes like this:

“My fellow Americans.

My bad.

Good luck everybody!”

 During a Sunday news conference in Iraq, President George W. Bush ducked two shoes that were thrown at him. In his last action as Commander In Chief he ordered, "Get that foot soldier out of here immediatly?"

Gov. Blagojevich and wife Patti share a bar of soap.