TEHRAN (Reuters) - State media declared President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the winner of Iran's election but challenger Mirhossein Mousavi alleged irregularities and claimed victory for himself.
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Ahmadinejad, the radical incumbent president of Iran, believes Israel should be wiped off the face of the earth like rabid dogs.

Mousavi, the moderate challenger, believes Israel should just be wiped off the face of the earth.

...Carrie Prejean has been stripped of the Miss California title...the remainder of her term will be filled by 1st runner-up, Adam Lambert. 

I can't say for sure there were any voting irregularites but Ahmadinejad got the gay and Jewish vote.

Bret Michaels, singer for the 80s hair-band Poison, suffered a broken nose when he was struck by a piece of descending scenery at Sunday night's Tony Awards on Broadway. Sadly, the injury has robbed Michaels of his ability to smell desperate skanks from miles away.

During a speech to commemorate D-Day, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown mispronounced "Omaha Beach" when he called it "Obama Beach".  It may not have been a mistake, because he later referred to the "Battle of the Bulge" as "Dinner at Rush Limbaugh's House". 

...the CIA, no longer able to waterboard suspects, has announced a new enhanced interrogation technique....after sleep deprivation & loud music have failed, the CIA plans to have Sacha Baron Cohen shove his ass in your face until you talk. 

A Japanese lunar orbiter will slam into moon this week.  The Japanese had actually lost contact with the orbiter and it didn't know the mission was over.

I always get the Bacon Brothers confused.So I made myself this cheat sheet:

Kevin N. Bacon - Actor

Michael A. Bacon - Musician

Chris P. Bacon - Delicious

The Vikings said they're a team of integrity and goals, and they want Brett Favre to give them a decision by the end of this week.  Because Sunday is the start of their annual hooker boat party.
 

Banks want to return $68 billion in bailout money to the government. They were upset at all the hidden fees.

Gay rights advocate Chastity Bono is becoming a man. The daughter of Cher announced that she is in the early stages of  "gender transitioning", the process of drastically altering one's appearance and sexuality through a series of surgeries and injections. Something her mother first perfected nearly 30 years ago.

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