Spock gets the rare urge to mate,and is forced to buy Vulcanized rubbers. 

Joan Rivers and Larry King should hook up and carbon date. 

Former Boston infielder Lou Merloni recently told reporters that the Red Sox taught players how to use steroids. Judging by his 14 career home runs, Merloni must have a learning disability.

Former world cycling champion Tom Boonen has been fined by his team after testing positive for cocaine. Officials first became suspicious after noticing Boonen passing cars on the highway. On foot.

Roger Clemens adamantly denies a new book's claims that he took steroids.  Then, representing the last body part to change size, his nose grew. 

*This joke has also been submitted by me to Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.

Brett Favre has reportedly been sending x-rays to the Minnesota Vikings. It seems like an unnecessary gesture since everyone can already see right through him.

Eminem says he and Jimmy Kimmel will fly about 200 laid-off autoworkers to Los Angeles for Friday's taping of his appearance on Kimmel's show. The rapper feels the autoworkers have not suffered enough.

The New York State Psychiatric Institute is spending 400,000 dollars to study homosexual habits.  Because of recent subway fare hikes it now cost less to study homosexuals in Argentina then it costs to study them on Christopher Street.  

My urologist tells me that his soup du jour is always split pea.