According to ABC News, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were spotted together at an L.A. steakhouse.

"We're still not speaking or anything," said Nicole. "We had just both stopped in to throw up."

So I'm in the bookstore the other day, and I happen upon a woman openly nursing her baby. Now, I've never actually seen this happen before, but I'll tell you it was interesting. For his part, the baby didn't even look hungry; the woman just whipped it out and slapped'im on.

I'll tell you, it was fascinating and mundane all at once watching this woman engage in a perfectly normal, natural, human bodily function...

And yet when I peed on her, guess who got all mad and called security?

Women. 

I am having a very good day today, folks. My girlfriend called me about three hours ago to tell me that the tests came back negative.

Negative for what? Doesn't really matter.

I think any man will agree - if any woman calls you and tells you that tests came back negative? That's just a good day, right there...

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie ended their feud, saying that friendship is much more important than not making a fifth season of The Simple Life.

Damn. I was kind of hoping that when they burried the hatchet, it'd be in each other's foreheads.

MySpace is arranging a series of concerts to benefit Sudan. Many MySpacers who already bought tickets were dismayed to discover that Sudan is not Brad and Angelina’s new baby.

After six years of Bush's economic policies, bank feels time is right to open U.S. branches.

To my fellow New Yorkers and Yankee fans, please accept my deepest apologies. The events of this past Wednesday are my fault.

It seems that after a few tequilas and an ill-advised viewing of "License to Drive," I asked God to please kill Corey Feldman.

I don't know what to say...except that I am done with T-Mobile.

The United States, Britain, France, Russia and China all voted to impose sanctions on North Korea.

Kim Jong-il immediately claimed this proves he is a, "uniter, not divider," boasting, "I am first person in years to get these people to agree on anything."

Planet asks friend, "Should I get this looked at?"