The entertainer may be required to work at a local Red Lobster, where he’ll batter fish instead of women.

The couple tell England's Daily Mail that they share "the same passion as a pair of 25-year-olds. We kiss about 150 times a day."

Which coincidently is equal to the number of times I threw up after reading this.

A staunchly conservative DNA scientist has confirmed that with today’s technology things are possible that once were only dreams.  “There is now a way for us to see John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, and Ted Kennedy all reunited...“ he said.  “…and all we need is one more bullet!”

There hasn't been this many bitches crammed into a tiny space since last week when the cast of The View got trapped in an elevator.

A 56-year-old American athlete has become the first woman on record to swim the Atlantic.  Unfortunately, she had to swim right back because she forgot her purse.

Neanderthals!

The participants in the NBA's first officially sanctioned H-O-R-S-E competition will instead be spelling out G-E-I-C-O. Players are happy the event is not sponsored by Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance.

Jessica Simpson forgot her lyrics, mumbled through songs, and fought back tears during a performance Thursday. Attendees called it a typical Ashlee Simpson concert.

DETROIT – General Motors says it's cutting 10,000 salaried jobs, blaming the need to restructure the company amid the continued drop in new vehicle sales.  Said one sobbing executive, “It’s gotten so rough that I’ve been driving the same escalade for almost 12 months now!”

...im not saying that my parents didnt love me, but when i was a kid my sandbox had quicksand in it 

Kelly Clark of the United States is the latest winner of the World Cup halfpipe event. The winner of the full pipe event was Michael Phelps.