Police cited equipment failure as the cause of death. 

Tax increase for people who make more than 250k.

Tax break for people who make less than 250k.

Full audit for Joe The Plumber.

Barack Obama will have a full plate when he takes office.  Not only does he have to fix the economy, he must also deal with the country's two major areas of conflict:  Iraq and the View.  

Oprah will be give away free Cadillacs to everyone who attends Obama's inaguration party. (This will also help the economy)

I feel like a champion if I last 20 minutes. 

A woman stalking Sandra Bullock got three years probation. Three years probation, that's all. Someone hasnt made a good movie in a while.

This Sunday, former football player turned analyst, Phil Simms officially called Detroit a disaster.

He didn't specify whether he meant the Lion's or the city itself. 

Sarah Palin met with the Republican governors association yesterday. She said, "Just because we are the minority party doesnt mean we have to be the negative party." The new GOP slogan: happy happy joy joy.

For the past several days, Barack Obama has been calling people thanking them for helping him get elected.   Today he meets with George Bush and will thank him in person.

Since Obama has been elected president I have relatives saying, "He's gonna kill all the babies." I hate to tell you all that we are in an economic crisis. So kill the babies. Dead babies save money

Via AP News 

Early Saturday MORNING, a 24 year old mother was stopped for speeding and found to be drunk.  She had her one year old in the car with her, so police called relatives to come pick the kid up.  Later that AFTERNOON comes the boy's father... problem was.... he was drunk.  So police called in the grandparents, and guess what folks... they were drunk too.. but luckily the grandma was still under the legal limit and deemed tipsy but safe, so the police escorted them home, and they lived happily ever after.  You can always count on grandma to be the responsible one.