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Farrah Fawcett got an unbeatable gift for her 60th birthday: a clean bill of health that she is cancer-free. She was then shot by Ryan O'Neal.
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Joke List: Highest Rated (From Week Starting Feb 4, 2007)
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 OMAHA, Neb. January 29, 2007 - Area drivers will soon be able to fill up with gasoline made from "terror-free oil." A gas station about to open near 129th and Q streets is named Terror Free Oil, and the idea is to offer consumers petroleum products from countries that do not sponsor terror.
You can either get the gas from the station, or from Ray Ellin who eats American baked beans 24 hours a day.
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After a recent riot, Italian authorities are thinking of suspending soccer indefinitely. We're hoping for a riot at the next Grizzlies game.
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 BOSTON - Turner Broadcasting System apologized to Boston-area residents last Friday for a security scare that had bomb squads checking out electronic signs that were part of a marketing campaign.
Phil Kent, Turner's chairman and CEO, made the apology in full-page ads in Boston newspapers for "the confusion and inconvenience" caused.
Kent added: "Just so there's no hard feelings, we have arranged for unmarked boxes of chocolates to be placed around the city for residents to discover and enjoy."
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What you are about to read is a real and unfabricated (yes i know that's redundant, fuck off) list of what is in my coat pockets right now. This is NOT, i repeat, NOT a consolidated mixture of things I have had in my pockets at one time or another, but what is in my pockets as of this very moment.
1. An Ipod playing "Tommy" on a constant loop.
2. 30 stickers for "DailyComedy.com" promotion.
3. A Prayercard from my grandma's funeral.
4. Pictures of a girl that didn't like me in high school.
5. A pamphlet on dealing with loneliness.
Yeah, I'm as creeped out as you are. However, it could be much worse. For example, I could have:
1. An Ipod playing "The Catcher In The Rye" on a constant loop.
2. 30 stickers for "DailySodomy.com"
3. A Prayercard from the woman I called grandma but was really just an old lady I liked to masturbate to.
4. A picture of the girl that didn't like me in high school's vagina.
5. A pamphlet on dealing with pedophilia.
...Sleep well dear reader.
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Brett Farve announced last week that he will be returning for his 17th NFL season. And just to give you an idea of how much the country has changed since Farve came into the league – In 1990, Bush was President, Clinton was getting ready to run for office, we were at war in Iraq…Actually, nothing's really changed at all.
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West Virginia schools are bringing in the game “Dance Dance Revolution” to trim the waistlines of its students. The decision comes on the heels of a study that found that children who played it for 30 minutes five days a week ended up in better shape. An unnamed school official said, “Recess was an option, but it just didn't waste enough money.”
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 The Expeditionary Fighting Vehicle, an amphibious craft which can move from water to land, is one of the Pentagon's largest weapons programs. After two years and $22 million, the Pentagon was delivered a prototype of the amphibious vehicle that is plagued by leaks.
Failing to see the irony, Pentagon officials have ponied up $1.7 billion of our tax dollars, and threw General Dynamics an $80 million bone for their efforts. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
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Copyright 2006-2008 © International Mining and Steel, Inc.
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Next Week
Cosmo Sex Tip #227: Fulfill Your Prehistoric Rape Fantasy Tonight.
Actor Ryan O'Neal was arrested and accused of assaulting his adult son with a handgun during a fight at the actor's Malibu home.
