"Free agent center 'Big' Ben Wallace is leaving the Detroit Pistons to sign with the Chicago Bulls," a person within the NBA said Monday. Ben is leaving because of his disappointment in the Pistons’ offer, the high crime rate in Detroit, and the lack of "good corn-rollists" in the motor city.

Well as many of my loyal readers know I can give a shit about spelling, and in my opinion who gives a shit, as long as the readers understand what I am trying to say, that's all that matters, right? Who gets to invent the spelling for Korean anyway, why should it be spelled that way, as apposed to mine, should we all have to follow societies spelling rules, I think not. Although I did go back and correct my spelling error, could Maria just not have told me privately instead of trying to embarrass me in front of the comedic community, is she that cold hearted of a person? Well here is your answer, she herself is Korean, and she was offended by my incredible words of wisdom.

North Korea has tested 6 missiles, with one of them having the potential to reach the USA, mainly California. California? Great! Who cares? Don't bother me. I live in New York. Let me know when they have one that can reach Chicago, cause then it's too close for comfort.

Rush Limbaugh will not be prosecuted for having someone else's prescription of Viagra at an airport. Limbaugh's lawyer, however, said that Rush actually had hoped for the stiffest sentence possible.

Keira Knightley recently rejected suggestions that she was anorexic.  She said her grandmother and great-grandmother both suffered from anorexia, so she was very aware of the problem, but Knightley assured the press, "I'm quite sure I don't have it..."

She continued, "...Because I eat and throw up, which is definitely bulimia and not anorexia."  (She knows her eating disorder facts.)

When you think of a group that has a dating edge, single parents probably don’t leap to mind. After all, unmarried moms and dads have to line up babysitting just to go on a date! While married ones can simply ask their spouse to watch the children while they go on a date.

Why are we making such a big deal about North Korea and their missiles? Have you ever bought anything that said Made in Korea that actually worked?

New York's highest court ruled that gay marriage is not allowed.  Here's why:

They believe, firstly, that the best, most stable environment to raise a child is with a man and a woman (regardless of the fact that Hitler, Stalin, and numerous other dictators were raised in such an environment).

Straight people can have a child accidentally, while gay people have to plan and organize to do so (meaning that a pair of irresponsible straight strangers are legally thought to be better parents than a loving gay couple who wants kids on PURPOSE).

Therefore, marriage benefits should only be afforded to straight people, who otherwise wouldn't be encouraged to create the best, most stable environment that they can, in marriage; whereas gay couples are already providing stability through love, caring, planning, etc., so why do they even NEED marriage?

Suck it up, gay people (so to speak).

PS It's been said before (by folks who ignore statistics in a way similar to the way the bible ignores dinosaur fossils) that gay people want to (and can, and try to) make other people gay, and that gay people raising children will be more likely to make their children gay.

If only that were true.  We might have a solution to the overpopulation problem.  "Be fruitful and multiply," your day is done, "Be fruity and DON'T multiply" is the here and now.

In conclusion, sorry if this has been more angry than funny, but the New York's highest court is gay gay gay. (Have you seen their robes? They all match, etc., plus other stereotypes.  Fabulous.)

Three people are arrested for trying to sell the secret formula for Coca Cola (Coke) to Pepsi. We've been able to split the atom, figure out the evolution of time, decode DNA. Yet we're still baffled by the secret ingredients in Coca Cola. Well here they are: cola nuts, water, seltzer, a ton of sugar, and a whole lot of gullible Americans. Americans that will buy anything they're told to. And don't get me started on Starbucks. Their secret for success: coffee, milk, sugar, and the same stupid, gullible Americans!

Medical studies show that men that masturbate regularly are healthier than men that do not.

I'm the picture of health myself. I will not lie, I do it all the time, 'cause I remember something my mother told me when I was a kid. She said, "Joey, you find something you're good at, you stick with it!"

"Practice make perfect."

Pepsi tipped off Coke to the fact that someone was trying to sell them Coke's secrets.

Pepsi commented, "Thanks, but our drinks all taste exactly the same.  We just use different packaging and slogans, much like Democrats and Republicans."

Conclusion: drink green things.