http://www.theointment.com/

[Editor's Note: DailyComedy.com uses Diebold technology in it's 5-Star bit ranking system.]

Baghdad's power grid too spotty to use electric chair.

“American Idol's” Carrie Underwood is the latest celebrity to appear as a spokesman for the Oklahoma Library Association’s, “Read, Ya’ll” literacy campaign. Unfortunately, no celebrities have yet to join Oklahoma’s other educational campaign, “Math, Bitches!”

...and I see that the Democrats have taken the House, swept all the major elections here in New York, elected Massachusetts' first black governor and could very well take the Senate, too.

Which all explains a personal mystery today, because I haven't cum in my sleep in maybe thirteen years.

After a brutal dry season and several fires, many Indonesian orangutans have been orphaned, or worse.

"Orangutans are starving.  They are sick and many of those we are treating were injured after being attacked by machetes,” said Willie Smits, an ecologist.

"Orphaned?  As in, no living relatives, right?  'Cause I'm not going through that shit again." Madonna commented.

Evangelical pastor Mark Driscoll blamed Ted Haggard’s homosexual romps on wife Gayle, saying, “A wife who is not sexually available to her husband... may not be helping.”

He added, “Also, in 1988, Gayle refused to give George Michael a blow job during the Wham! Tour, and I think we all know how that turned out.”

Not being religious, I've found that, when faced with a difficult decision, it's best if I first think, "What would I do?"

A Delaware man who was found guilty of indecent exposure was sentenced to wear a t-shirt with the words, "I am a registered sex offender" in bold letters.

Area teens found the t-shirt cool, and Abercrombie and Fitch immediately began selling them, hoping to match the success of "Strip Poker Referee."

Recently my girlfriend's son lost his phone charger.  So, she got inthe car and went out in search of a new charger to fit his phone.  Most chargers were around $19 to $26 and we were unable to find one that definately fit his phone model.  Then she hopped on the internet to find the one we needed and find the cheapest.  Three or four minutes later she found the charger we needed for $4.99 plus $2.99 for shipping and handling.  Obviously she's very excited she found it and it is very cheap, so she orders it.  Today, the charger is delivered to the house.  It came from Hong Kong.  Why am I telling you about this.  Think about this.  It cost $7.98 for a charger that travelled about 9000 miles which is less than half of what it would cost to run to Wal-Mart and get it.  I get the sense that in Hong Kong and China they make everything for about a penny.  Cell phone, one penny, radio, one penny, toaster oven, one penny, microwave, one penny, new car, one penny, having a charger delivered with all of the cool little Chinese symbols on the label.......priceless. 

We are the land of free, home of the brave and the market for the most incredible mark-up percentages in the entire world and Mars.  I'm moving to Hong Kong.  You can feed a family of 20 there for like, $3.95 total.  And, it's probably a buffet. 

Bill Maher told Larry King on Wednesday it is well known in Washington that Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman is a closet jew. When King stated he had never heard that about Mehlman, Maher quipped, "I guess you and I don't go to the same bath houses, Larry. I've seen this faigele's schlong up close and personal. In a bath house. He's either a jew or he had a nasty slip with a potato peeler."