New York reliever Ambiorix Burgos has given himself up to police following a hit-and-run accident. Because if there's one thing a Mets reliever knows how to do, it's give up.

Hugh Hefner has split with 28-year-old actress-model Holly Madison..  Hefner is so old  he once dated Dolly Madison.

 A few days ago Wachovia was near collapse, done in by the financial crisis. Now Citigroup and Wells Fargo are dueling over its takeover.  Why in the hell are Citigroup and Wells Fargo sparring over troubled Wachovia?  It makes as much sense as two men fighting over Amy Winehouse. 

Disneyland was closed to the public Sunday night so Miley Cyrus and invited guests could enjoy the park's attractions.  In related news, the Mustang Ranch will be shut down next Saturday for a birthday celebration for Charlie Sheen.   

"John McCain loved Palin's debate performance. Matter of fact, he applauded so much, all the lights in his home kept on going on and off."

David Letterman

Sarah Palin questioned John McCain's decision to abandon efforts to win Michigan.  Palin, a mother of five children, apparently hates pull outs .   

Savings Account annual interest: 0

Checking Account annual interest: 0

Gross Holdings: -0

Come on in and ask about our daily double derivatives: Today, it's based on the #8 horse in the 9th race at Mountaineer Racetrack & Resort, compounded by the outer rings of Uranus orbits plus whether or not some little island without a name (or even a nickname) sinks into the Pacific Ocean sometime in October, 2008 - but the cause must be limited only to tectonic plate explosions.

If all goes right and you're a winner, you'll make 87 zegaMcMillion dollars Canadian to every $1 (Can.) invested in this investment package.

 Sarah Palin walks into a beauty parlor and asks how much it is to become a blonde..the woman tells her $12,064. She says "Im Sarah Palin..why so expensive?
The woman replies...Oh your Sarah Palin then it's only $64 because with you we don't have to do the labotomy

...halle berry has been named "sexiest woman alive" by Esquire magazine, People magazine, and my right hand.