Now that he has driven them off the lot they are only worth $75,000. 

...president-elect barack obama has announced that he will honor george bush's accomplishments by putting his face on the $10 food stamp. 

I just can't shake the feeling the only way I can make it now is in sports or entertainment. 

Today Bums and Beggars came out of the woodwork(and the woods) to rewrite their cardboard signs to exhibit the American spirit and take advantage of new opportunities. Their new signs read:

'I'm a candidate for change, can you spare any?'

They just nod as they walk up to you and mouth the all familiar "Yes We Can"

Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act

or

Helping Incompetent Physicians Assist their Attorneys 

A new poll finds that 64 percent of Republicans want to see Governor Sara Palin make a run for the White House in 2012, putting them on the same page as 100 percent of Democrats, joke-writers and metaphorical glass ceiling repairmen.

She also said, she knows who won't be managing her run in 2012.

Barack Obama's Kenyan family has announced that when Obama wins, they will sacrifice bulls, chickens and goats to honor the victory.

And we thought Jimmy Carter had some embarrassing relatives.

Rep. Barney Frank was re-elected to his 15th term  by the people of the 4th district of Massachusetts.  Fortunately for Frank, most of the people in his district did not vote a "straight ticket." 

Upon hearing that Barack Obama won the American election, hundreds of would-be undocumented workers approaching the U.S. border turned around and headed back to Mexico. Indeed, Obama’s plans to bankrupt the country are secretly his solution to unchecked immigration.