...Baghdad has opened its first Ben & Jerry's ice cream store.  The most popular flavor is Iraqi Road.  A delicious combination of chocolate ice cream, with nuts, marshmallows, and schrapnel. 

With the breaking news of Michael Jackson's death combined with the threats from Iran, the traffic increase almost shut down the internet completely. Thank God that Paris Hilton didn't fart or it would have been anarchy!

...Paris Hilton has filed suit against the National Enquirer after a reporter called her a "shithead".  Hilton then immediately filed suit claiming "defecation of character." 

With great anticipation i tuned into the latest installment of  " Larry King Live " at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch . Miko Brando , sporting his ugliest Hawaii print shirt to date, took us on a tour of the now empty main house . We saw many wooden floors, plaster walls, and a banister with a tree carved in it !  He also pointed out a stairway leading up to bedroom where Michael would commit unspeakable acts against young teenage boys . In the bathroom was a secret closet with many locks on it . Miko said it was Jackson's panic room, " Just in case . " ( of a police raid ? )  From there Brando took us to see the Station House that was also stripped to the bone . The highlight of that tour was a large soot stain on a brick overpass the choo-choo train had made . Miko also showed us the dance floor where Michael practiced . He pointed to the center of the wooden floor that looked worn out . (  maybe the cleaning lady just happened to miss a spot with her mop ? )..... Back in the garden, Fish-Faced Larry interviewed Jermaine in what appeared to be extreamly  uncomfortable for the grieving Jackson brother . Jermaine denied any rumors about Michael's strange and kinky behavior . Sweating profusely, tugging at his ear, pinching his nose , and swatting flies and mosquitoes,  Jermaine begged Larry to stop asking so many difficult questions .  " Jermaine, what do you think of Diana Sands being mentioned as the legal guardian in Michael's will ? " A confused Jackson looked dumbfounded ..............  Jermaine also showed Larry a tree that Michael had once climbed and supposedly wrote songs on . King sacastically told Jackson , " Don't Kill Yourself  now ."  Another comment King made earlier to Jermaine was, " You call it Neverland and I call it never, never, never land "  i wonder what he meant by that ?...................................................................... to be continued ...............................................................(kascha & whitney)    

 There are reports that God fainted like 13 year old school girl from excitement when Michael Jackson arrived at the pearly gates. Mr. Jackson has several concerts schedule including a birthday party in December!

RIP MJ

The woman who invented the slinky died recently at 90 years old.

 She fell down the stairs.

 Actually she only fell down two stairs and then she stopped.

I think my problem with women is that I want to rush into the hot and heavy stuff, whereas women would rather get to know me first. For example, I was on a blind date one time and I ruined it by saying "I'll sue for custody, bitch!"

Very unexpectedly this afternoon, Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska.

And very predictably moments later, Keith Olbermann spontaneously ejaculated in his pants.

Milton Bradley is a notoriously hot-headed player for the Chicago Cubs.He's got a lot of game,but no Clue. 

The two "kings"of the music world both struggled with the burden of superstardom,  both shocked fans with erratic behaviour, and both were spotted yesterday leaving a 7-Eleven.

The nominees for the annual" Scumbag Of The Year " are :  1) Bernie Madoff . He bilked friends and fellow Jews out of their millions , ruining many lives while never losing a night's sleep ! ......   2)  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad . He stole the Iranian Presidential Election , causing millions to protest in the streets of Tehran, resulting in hundreds of deaths and thousands of broken heads . ... 3) North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-ll . He revived his country's nuclear program and continues firing longer ranged missiles at the West, while thumbing his nose at Obama ....... 4)  Joe Jackson , father of Michael Jackson . Less than an hour after his son's death he was out on the street shamelessly hawking Jacko memorabilia, t-shirts, records, and cd's . Joe plans to charge loyal fans $25 a head to view the body during the funeral this weekend ! ....... 5)   Perez Hilton, .. This obnoxious homosexual blogger creep, single handedly destroyed Carrie Prejean's ( Miss California ) chance of becoming Miss USA and ultimately being stripped of her Miss California title .................. .... The envelope please ..... Our  " 2009 SCUMBAG OF THE YEAR AWARD  " Goes to .........." Mr Joe Jackson "......   Congratulations Joe !!  ...............................................................................( kascha & whitney )