Toyota announced that it is developing a car that shuts down if the driver is drunk. Immediately, rival Ford announced that "Ford drivers do not need to be drunk for their cars to shut down."

North Face has invented new, high-tech running shoes that can be tied simply by turning a knob.

The perfect gift for people who are too lazy to tie their own shoes, yet love exercise.

A team of researchers has concluded that the baseball Mark McGwire hit for his 70th home run in 1998 was juiced. The team was unable to analyze McGwire's other balls as they've not been seen in years.

 "They always ask where you see yourself in 5 years when you get a new job," he said. "I see myself not being blown to smithereens."

People who live down a hill from Charlton Heston are suing the actor, alleging their property was damaged 2 years ago by a mudslide that poured debris onto their homes.

After learning of the lawsuit, a nude and dentureless Heston, 83, was seen waving a .44 Magnum and screaming, "Take your stinking paws off of me, you damn dirty neighbors!"

He was then sedated by a tranquilizer dart and strapped back into his Craftmatic® adjustable bed.

Tiger Woods' wife is pregnant. Tiger's mom told reporters, "It's about time! What was the par on that hole anyway?"