I've decided to have the controversial Lap-Dance surgery.The only catch is that my surgeon is demanding 50,000 dollar bills. 

Good news for Sarah Palin fans: her memoir – “Going Rogue” – will hit shelves in a few months… giving them time to learn how to read.

In an attempt to defuse a potential media frenzy, David Letterman has admitted to having had sexual relations with female staff members.  But he insisted they weren’t hired because they could actually help the show.

He only hired them to avoid lawsuits over misunderstandings caused by using the line “would you like to be on my staff?”

Scientists found them living in their mothers' basements playing video games.  

WTF? The Wisconsin Tourism Federation changed its name after realizing its initials resulted in a crude acronym.

The new and improved name?

The Wisconsin Association of Tourism… TWAT.

Reports are, Bob Dylan is mulling offers to become the new voice of in-car GPS navigation systems.

Men will still drive all over town, lost and not asking for directions despite these handy systems.  However, now it’ll be because they can’t understand a word their GPS is saying.

Next on "48 Hours": the Letterman Sex Tapes or "Top Ten Ways to Tickle My Funny Boner"

A new tv series is being written,based on the lives of John and Mackenzie Phillips.It will be called Father Knows Incest Best.

The New York Mets are considering changing their uniforms for the upcoming season. We suggest a hospital gown and slippers.

Researchers at the University of Missouri analyzed the efforts of 327 job seekers and found that “developing and following a plan at the start” of your job search, and “having positive emotions later” in the job search had a significant impact on success.

This new study stands in stark contrast to the Ivy League approach to finding a job… getting drunk and stoned every day for 4 years, and then asking “Daddy” for a favor.

I can't believe New York City and the Empire State Building would celebrate the anniversary of Communist China.Our country is further in the Red than I imagined.