Although the Obamas are the first to bring a Portuguese water puppy into the White House, they were not the first to consider it. Former President Bush once considered the same breed. Bush nixed the idea after deciding it wouldn’t be fair to the dog since he didn’t speak a word of Portuguese.

A group of Middle Eastern immigrants has sued the federal government, claiming their citizenship applications were intentionally slowed by agents.

Don't they know that waiting in line for government services without cause is the surest sign that they're already Americans?

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad scoffed at suggestions he's anti-Semitic yesterday.

"I'm not anti-Jew," he told reporters at the UN. "I prefer to think of myself as pro-Gibson."

AP - Noam Chomsky's 2003 book, "Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance," shot to No. 1 on the Amazon.com bestseller list Friday, two days after Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez held it up during a vitriolic speech to the United Nations.

At the start of his talk Wednesday, Chavez recommended that anyone wishing to understand "what has been happening in the world through the 20th century" should read Chomsky's book.

Shortly after George Bush's speech, "The Very Hungry Catepillar" by Eric Carle fell to #1,356

Comparing his efforts to capture Osama bin Laden with the current administration's, President Clinton said, "They had eight months to try; they did not try... I tried and failed."

Responded President Bush, "Not to brag, but we failed without trying."

President Bush and Sen. John McCain have reached a tentative deal concerning the treatment of prisoners according to the Geneva Conventions against torture.

Bush will continue doing what he wants, and McCain will keep his mouth shut unless he wants to, "take a little trip down memory lane."

September 25 - October 1

"Oh, yeah? Well you're rubber, I'm glue. Everything you say sticks to me and... Crap! I got that backwards again."

-President George W. Bush, responding to Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez calling him the devil.

A recent intelligence assessment has concluded that the Iraq war has actually increased the terrorism threat to the United States.

Upon hearing this, Venezualan President, Hugo Chavez declared, "If we'd known that, we would have been in favor of this war from the beginning."

 Pundits and politicos on Sunday's talk shows were crying foul over President Hugo Chavez's speech at the U.N. Liberals said, "He can't call the President a devil, only we can do that."

Republicans called the speech more of a roast than anything diplomatic. If it were a roast, Chavez would have picked on others in the goverment.

"Enough about the devil... er, I mean Bush. You must forgive me my English is no good. How do you say, douchebag. I kidding."

"Dick Cheney is here. The only reason why Dick Cheney is against gay marriage, is because he's too cheap to pay for his daughter's wedding. But seriously, Cheney would love for his daughter to have a wedding, just as long as Haliburton can cater it. I kidding."

"John Bolton, U.N. Ambassador is here. John what is that on your upper lip, it looks like two caterpillars humping. Seriously, it looks like you're going down on the Shaggy D.A. I kidding."

At the UN, Hugo Chavez called President Bush "the Devil."

Dude, this is the United Nations. NOT A ROAST. Take it down a notch.

Most Sunnis began observing on Saturday, while most Shi'ites will wait until Monday.

Hey, guys, could you throw us a bone and pick one thing to agree on? "The divinity of Jesus Christ" would be ideal, but for now we'll take "when Ramadan actually begins."