Steven Warshak, owner of Enzyte, was found guilty of 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering and sentenced to 25 years in prison. His spokesman stated that Steven was "Doing intensive field study reformulating the recipe and will add 2 new ingredients, black cock and his ass."

Happy people reported watching an average of 19 hours of TV per week, unhappy people reported 25 hours a week, and manic depressants reported watching 42 hours per week of NBC programming.

Today Bums and Beggars came out of the woodwork(and the woods) to rewrite their cardboard signs to exhibit the American spirit and take advantage of new opportunities. Their new signs read:

'I'm a candidate for change, can you spare any?'

They just nod as they walk up to you and mouth the all familiar "Yes We Can"

I feel like a champion if I last 20 minutes. 

A woman stalking Sandra Bullock got three years probation. Three years probation, that's all. Someone hasnt made a good movie in a while.

BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

1) Is it really sexual intercourse if it's a table?  At least my hands are connected to a living, breathing, being!

2) Who could blame the guy???  He's obviously a legs man!

3) Only three times in three months....what?  Was he married to the table?

4) He tilts the table on it's side, that's what happens when you read the Karma Sutra for Dummies!

5) AND IS IT ANY SURPRISE.........he lives in Bellvue???

...huntington west virginia has been named the unhealthiest city in america...local residents shrugged off this notion with a wheeze and a cough. 

President-elect Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain met Monday in Chicago to talk about ways to work together and some are saying that Obama might give him a positoin in his cabinet. Apparently we can rule out Secretary of Health.  

They are now breeding a camel fast enough to deliver the weapon.

After laying off 10 percent of it's workforce, Weather Channel officials say the extended forecast for a weak economy may force them to eliminate one week of summer. 

www.jerrywolski.com

Now that he has driven them off the lot they are only worth $75,000.