LeBron James and Shaquille O'Neal say they both want the same thing this season: to avoid being shot by Delonte West.
 

Today Shaquille O'Neal generously let mom and kids live in one of his shoes.

Shaquille O'Neal is one of the NBA stars who recently complained about the new game ball that was chosen to replace the old leather one.

O'Neal also bitched about banging his head on doorways, having to buy circus tents for pants, and only being able to have sex with a gal on top.

And what made this victory extra sweet is he proved he could win without Shaquille O'Neal. 

Kaboom... actually the name of Billy May's first born son...

Kaboom... the name of Billy May's wife's dildo when he is out of town...

Kaboom... cuz magic stick was taken...

Kaboom... also the name of Shaq's penis....

Mighty Putty... when seamen and water just don't cut it...

Ultimate Chopper... the multiple chop your food and your coke chopper...

The Awesome Auger... when Oxi clean isn't enough now you can bury your dead...   

Madonna has announced that she is no longer following Kabbalah, the obscure form of Jewish mysticism that she adopted as a new faith. Madonna stated that she left Kaballah because Britney Spears, also a follower, kept mistaking it for the film that starred Shaquille O’Neal as a rapping genie who used basketball to make the world a better place for kids.

Plus, they raised the cover charge at the Wilshire Boulevard House of Kaballah, and Guy Ritchie didn’t want his, "willy," circumcised.

HISTORICAL NOTE: Kaballah is named after the sound you hear when a suicide bomber explodes. It’s like the Middle Eastern, “Ta-dah.”

Shaquille O'Neal called Kobe Bryant the best player in the NBA. This was surprising, until we remembered the other meaning of the word "player."

Brit Drops kid Again

Brit Dropkicks Angelina’s kid

Brit Drops Jason Kid on Angelina’s kid

The Heat-Wave Goodbye to Dallas

The Heat-Wave that Stroked Dallas

The Heat-Wave Goodyear bye Shaq and Give it to Wade

FBI Pursues Pretenders Masquerading as War Heroes

FBI Pursues Pretenders Masquerading as Whores to Charge Zero

FBI Pursues Nathan Lane for Masquerading as Meatball Hero

I'm tired of "behind the scenes" specials about summer blockbusters. They always ask the same stupid question "How does Hollywood create those amazing special effects?" It's always the same answer -- computers. Big deal. Here's the "behind the scenes" special I want to see.

E! on the Set of "Kazaam 2"

E! Channel Douchebag: Here we are on the set of the amazing special effects blockbuster, "Kazaam 2!" We all love Shaq as the magical genie, but how do those Hollywood wizards create the incredible special effects of Shaq flying, granting wishes and being able to read and write? It's so incredible, but it's actually very simple! First, Steven Spielberg strips naked and slaughters a goat during the harvest moon, while Stan Winston intones the forbidden prayers to Dagon. As Spielberg curses Christ and drinks deeply of the goat's rich, crimson flow, Shaq is granted the arcane powers of flying, rapping, and literacy. A crowd is later added to the scene using Adobe After Effects!