New study shows cats can develop Alzheimer's. 

Scientists suspected a link when they moved a scratching post and found three years worth of New York Times and old bingo cards hidden behind it.

LOS ANGELES, CA--Nicole Kidman has been named the highest paid actress by The Hollywood Reporter on Wednesday. The Oscar-winning actress is said to make up to $17 million per movie. Ms. Kidman celebrated the exciting news by trying to move her face.

While many of you may be shocked at Mel Gibson and his alleged drunken tirade against the Jews, this was not an isolated incident. The world-famous actor and director has, in fact, has been caught making anti-Semitic remarks in several other occasions. But honestly, who really hasn't? Hey, I'm Jewish and have uttered several thousand anti -Semitic comments in just the past three hours. Anyway, here is a quick rundown of some the insensitive remarks made by Mr. Gibson throughout his career. Is it a Jew hater? You be the the judge... January 21, 1996- After Gibson accepts his ninth Golden Globe award for his war epic Braveheart (unexpectedly, in the category of “Best Director For a Musical, Comedy, Snuff Film or Puppet Show”), an inebriated Gibson begins a diatribe blaming Aleutian Eskimo Jews for the failure of Clear Pepsi in the United States. Globes host and five-time Oscar winner Emmanuel Lewis tries to subdue an increasingly violent Gibson, but to no avail. Lewis is eventually tossed into the audience by Gibson, where he lands in the ass of actor Sean Penn. The "Webster" star remains wedged in Penn's ass to this very day, which, if you think about it, may explain a lot about Penn’s personality. Part of a conspiracy? November 16, 1988 During the filming of Lethal Weapon 2, Gibson, high on crystal meth and Frankenberry cereal, screams at co-star Joe Pesci for several hours about “the Seven Freemason hook-nose bankers who control the world’s Play-Doh supply”. Gibson ends his rant after he realizes that he was actually yelling at a movie camera tripod and not Mr. Pesci. Gibson, however, develops a relationship with the tripod and later casts it as his love interest in the disappointing flop Air America. Sept. 4, 1992 After making some insensitive comments in a Spanish magazine, Gibson is accused of homophobia by gay groups in Europe. When the story reaches the States, Gibson immediately backpeddles, releasing the following statement through his publicists: “Please forgive me; I just assumed all you homos were also Jews. I apolgize to all Christian, Muslim and ‘dot-head’ f*gs who were offended by my remarks”. Jan. 3, 1964 For his birthday party, an 8-year-old Gibson forces his friends to Rome to protest the progressive doctrines of Vatican II. In 1965, however, nobody wants to come to Mel's 9th birthday, and the new rules are enacted by the Vatican II Council (and the National Hockey League) to become Church Law. Worst episode ever In the ensuing years, Vatican II continues to infuriate Gibson--so much so that for years Gibson becomes leery of doing sequels. He changes his mind in 1985, however, during the filming of Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome. Gibson decides that even though sequels do suck, they sure can finance one’s hate-filled coked-up rantings. Dec. 4, 2003: During the filming of the Passion of the Christ, one of the film extras playing a Jew complains to Gibson about the historical accuracy of his costume. Gibson is incensed, claiming that it’s a well-known fact that “all Jews wore red horns and held pitchforks during Biblical times”. When the extra still protests, Gibson proceeds to stab the him in the face several times with the prop pitchfork and a copy of the New Testament. The hysterical director doesn’t calm down until his assistant finally brings Gibson his favorite sp*ked cilice belt and a cup of iced moccachino April 16 1990: To drum up some extra publicity for the now AFI 100 classic film Bird on a Wire, Gibson agrees to appear on the popular game show "Win, Lose or Draw" with his father Hutton Gibson, famous Holocaust denier and break-dancing instructor. The father and son tandem, proceed to get the 2nd worst score in "Draw" history, barely beating the all-time worst score attained by the Budwesier dog mascot Spuds McKenzie only a week earlier. The low point came midway through the second round of the show. Son Mel seemingly drew a picture of a cow, but Dad Hutton claimed the picture was “the blood that the evil Shylocks drink from Christian babies.” END (I apologize to all readers who were angered by this article. The fact that I did not put these Gibson events in proper chronological order was disgusting and inexcusable. You see, I never learned how to use the “cut and paste” feature on my computer. I’ve been living with this shameful secret all my life, and it feels good to finally come clean).

Joseph Boone, Academy Award winning song writer of You Light Up My Life has turned director and has been accused of sexual assault by several wannabe actresses. Apparently he invited them over his house to audition, told them they would be playing a prostitute, gave them a few shots, and then had them perform sex acts on him. He defended himself by saying, "Hey, I just wanted to make sure they were right for the part."

Anthony "Super Combo" DeVito here. I've just named myself the official movie critic for DailyComedy.com, because I felt like it. Here are some of my latest reviews!

Man Of The Year

Oh my God, isn't Robin Williams brilliant? Once he gets on a roll, it's hysterical! I can't believe how funny he is! All those crazy voices and characters... the gay guy, the southern preacher, not to mention the rapid-fire delivery! Wait, how long was I in that coma? 4 stars.

Running With Scissors

Why pay 10 bucks when you can see real families wallow in their own emotional feces on TV every night of the week for free. 4 stars.

Flags Of Our Fathers

Does this theater offer an AARP discount on top of the matinee discount? 4 stars.

The Departed

Martin Scorsese directs the first drama about Irish guys from Boston talking on cellphones. Hey Oscar, can you hear me now? Didn't think so. 4 stars.

To stay true to the spirit of the film, the Academy has agreed that if it wins Best Picture, it will win it as the first award of the evening, while winning an unimportant technical category to close the night.

PREP SCHOOL DEFENSEMEN FOR TRUTH CHALLENGE KERRY HOCKEY RECORD

BOSTON.  As he backpedals from comments suggesting that American soldiers in Iraq are there because they didn't study hard enough in school, Massachusetts Senator John Kerry faces charges that he embellished his hockey accomplishments as a prep school forward in the 1960's.

"I tipped it with my stick--I'm sure."

A new group, Prep School Defensemen for Truth, issued a statement today alleging that Kerry never achieved a "hat trick", the accolade earned by an individual player who scores three goals in a single game.  Kerry's campaign biography has listed this accomplishment since he first lobbied for membership in Yale's secretive Skull and Bones society.

Skull and Bones and Puck

Prep School Defensemen for Truth is composed of former Independent School League hockey players who competed against Kerry.  The Independent School League is made up of exclusive New England prep schools such as Groton School,  Middlesex School, and a passle of saints; St. George's, St. Mark's, St. Sebastian's and Kerry's alma mater, St. Paul's in Concord, New Hampshire.

"Who you callin' a middle-class mouth breather?"

Nils Beckwith, a spokesman for Prep School Defensemen for Truth who played for Governor Dummer Academy in Byfield, Mass., was blunt in his assessment of Kerry's hockey skills.  "He was on the third line, a real lightweight.  He never scored off of me."

Long the butt of jokes, now just "Governor Academy"

Kerry biographer Douglas Brinkley countered the group's charges, saying he had been given extensive access to Kerry's youth sports memorabilia, and that the hat trick claim was substantiated by a trophy that bore the inscription "Mini-Mites".

"Buzz off--I'm gonna be President someday."

USA Hockey  Recording Secretary Jim Lopresti could not confirm the significance of that award.  "Sounds more like a self-esteem kind of thing.  You know, everybody who shows up for the last game gets one.  For a hat trick it's different--you get a little patch.  Kids put them on their jackets."

Republican party officials seized on the controversy and vowed to examine Kerry's other hockey statistics such as his plus/minus rating, the measure of a team's overall effectiveness while a player is on the ice. 

"I don't have my goalie mitt!"

In a statement that he read from the steps of his Beacon Hill townhouse, Kerry denounced the charges as politically motivated.  "Who among us hasn't been thrilled by the sight of Bobby Esposito stopping a slap shot with his goalie mitt?  To turn hockey, a game of speed and beauty, into a partisan football is reprehensible."

"He was a puck hog."

One fact Kerry's supporters and detractors agree on: in four years of prep school hockey he never recorded an assist.   In response to a reporter's question, Edward "Bink" Hollings, St. Paul's hockey coach during the 60's, conceded that "if John ever passed the puck, I didn't see it."

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman

Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Will he rip off the shiny, gold-colored aluminum wrapping and scarf the chocolate inside or put it on his mantle at home with his Oscar made of Gummi Bears and the Miss America tiara made from pipe cleaners and glitter?

The movie "Milk" has been such a success that plans are already underway to film a sequel about a black gay activist.  The film will be called "Chocolate Milk."