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To stay true to the spirit of the film, the Academy has agreed that if it wins Best Picture, it will win it as the first award of the evening, while winning an unimportant technical category to close the night.
While many of you may be shocked at Mel Gibson and his alleged drunken tirade against the Jews, this was not an isolated incident. The world-famous actor and director has, in fact, has been caught making anti-Semitic remarks in several other occasions. But honestly, who really hasn't? Hey, I'm Jewish and have uttered several thousand anti -Semitic comments in just the past three hours.
Anyway, here is a quick rundown of some the insensitive remarks made by Mr. Gibson throughout his career. Is it a Jew hater? You be the the judge...
January 21, 1996-
After Gibson accepts his ninth Golden Globe award for his war epic Braveheart (unexpectedly, in the category of “Best Director For a Musical, Comedy, Snuff Film or Puppet Show”), an inebriated Gibson begins a diatribe blaming Aleutian Eskimo Jews for the failure of ClearPepsi in the United States. Globes host and five-time Oscar winner Emmanuel Lewis tries to subdue an increasingly violent Gibson, but to no avail. Lewis is eventually tossed into the audience by Gibson, where he lands in the ass of actor Sean Penn. The "Webster" star remains wedged in Penn's ass to this very day, which, if you think about it, may explain a lot about Penn’s personality.
Part of a conspiracy?
November 16, 1988 During the filming of Lethal Weapon 2, Gibson, high on crystal meth and Frankenberry cereal, screams at co-star Joe Pesci for several hours about “the Seven Freemason hook-nose bankers who control the world’s Play-Doh supply”. Gibson ends his rant after he realizes that he was actually yelling at a movie camera tripod and not Mr. Pesci. Gibson, however, develops a relationship with the tripod and later casts it as his love interest in the disappointing flop Air America.
Sept. 4, 1992 After making some insensitive comments in a Spanish magazine, Gibson is accused of homophobia by gay groups in Europe. When the story reaches the States, Gibson immediately backpeddles, releasing the following statement through his publicists: “Please forgive me; I just assumed all you homos were also Jews. I apolgize to all Christian, Muslim and ‘dot-head’ f*gs who were offended by my remarks”.
Jan. 3, 1964 For his birthday party, an 8-year-old Gibson forces his friends to Rome to protest the progressive doctrines of Vatican II. In 1965, however, nobody wants to come to Mel's 9th birthday, and the new rules are enacted by the Vatican II Council (and the National Hockey League) to become Church Law.
Worst episode ever
In the ensuing years, Vatican II continues to infuriate Gibson--so much so that for years Gibson becomes leery of doing sequels. He changes his mind in 1985, however, during the filming of Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome. Gibson decides that even though sequels do suck, they sure can finance one’s hate-filled coked-up rantings.
Dec. 4, 2003: During the filming of the Passion of the Christ, one of the film extras playing a Jew complains to Gibson about the historical accuracy of his costume. Gibson is incensed, claiming that it’s a well-known fact that “all Jews wore red horns and held pitchforks during Biblical times”. When the extra still protests, Gibson proceeds to stab the him in the face several times with the prop pitchfork and a copy of the New Testament. The hysterical director doesn’t calm down until his assistant finally brings Gibson his favorite sp*ked cilice belt and a cup of iced moccachino
April 16 1990: To drum up some extra publicity for the now AFI 100 classic film Bird on a Wire, Gibson agrees to appear on the popular game show "Win, Lose or Draw" with his father Hutton Gibson, famous Holocaust denier and break-dancing instructor. The father and son tandem, proceed to get the 2nd worst score in "Draw" history, barely beating the all-time worst score attained by the Budwesier dog mascot Spuds McKenzie only a week earlier.
The low point came midway through the second round of the show. Son Mel seemingly drew a picture of a cow, but Dad Hutton claimed the picture was “the blood that the evil Shylocks drink from Christian babies.”
END
(I apologize to all readers who were angered by this article. The fact that I did not put these Gibson events in proper chronological order was disgusting and inexcusable. You see, I never learned how to use the “cut and paste” feature on my computer. I’ve been living with this shameful secret all my life, and it feels good to finally come clean).
PREP SCHOOL DEFENSEMEN FOR TRUTH CHALLENGE KERRY HOCKEY RECORD
BOSTON. As he backpedals from comments suggesting that American soldiers in Iraq are there because they didn't study hard enough in school, Massachusetts Senator John Kerry faces charges that he embellished his hockey accomplishments as a prep school forward in the 1960's.
"I tipped it with my stick--I'm sure."
A new group, Prep School Defensemen for Truth, issued a statement today alleging that Kerry never achieved a "hat trick", the accolade earned by an individual player who scores three goals in a single game. Kerry's campaign biography has listed this accomplishment since he first lobbied for membership in Yale's secretive Skull and Bones society.
Skull and Bones and Puck
Prep School Defensemen for Truth is composed of former Independent School League hockey players who competed against Kerry. The Independent School League is made up of exclusive New England prep schools such as Groton School, Middlesex School, and a passle of saints; St. George's, St. Mark's, St. Sebastian's and Kerry's alma mater, St. Paul's in Concord, New Hampshire.
"Who you callin' a middle-class mouth breather?"
Nils Beckwith, a spokesman for Prep School Defensemen for Truth who played for Governor Dummer Academy in Byfield, Mass., was blunt in his assessment of Kerry's hockey skills. "He was on the third line, a real lightweight. He never scored off of me."
Long the butt of jokes, now just "Governor Academy"
Kerry biographer Douglas Brinkley countered the group's charges, saying he had been given extensive access to Kerry's youth sports memorabilia, and that the hat trick claim was substantiated by a trophy that bore the inscription "Mini-Mites".
"Buzz off--I'm gonna be President someday."
USA Hockey Recording Secretary Jim Lopresti could not confirm the significance of that award. "Sounds more like a self-esteem kind of thing. You know, everybody who shows up for the last game gets one. For a hat trick it's different--you get a little patch. Kids put them on their jackets."
Republican party officials seized on the controversy and vowed to examine Kerry's other hockey statistics such as his plus/minus rating, the measure of a team's overall effectiveness while a player is on the ice.
"I don't have my goalie mitt!"
In a statement that he read from the steps of his Beacon Hill townhouse, Kerry denounced the charges as politically motivated. "Who among us hasn't been thrilled by the sight of Bobby Esposito stopping a slap shot with his goalie mitt? To turn hockey, a game of speed and beauty, into a partisan football is reprehensible."
"He was a puck hog."
One fact Kerry's supporters and detractors agree on: in four years of prep school hockey he never recorded an assist. In response to a reporter's question, Edward "Bink" Hollings, St. Paul's hockey coach during the 60's, conceded that "if John ever passed the puck, I didn't see it."
Anthony "Super Combo" DeVito here. I've just named myself the official movie critic for DailyComedy.com, because I felt like it. Here are some of my latest reviews!
Man Of The Year
Oh my God, isn't Robin Williams brilliant? Once he gets on a roll, it's hysterical! I can't believe how funny he is! All those crazy voices and characters... the gay guy, the southern preacher, not to mention the rapid-fire delivery! Wait, how long was I in that coma? 4 stars.
Running With Scissors
Why pay 10 bucks when you can see real families wallow in their own emotional feces on TV every night of the week for free. 4 stars.
Flags Of Our Fathers
Does this theater offer an AARP discount on top of the matinee discount? 4 stars.
The Departed
Martin Scorsese directs the first drama about Irish guys from Boston talking on cellphones. Hey Oscar, can you hear me now? Didn't think so. 4 stars.
Katie Couric is getting a new set built for her "CBS Evening News" debut as well as a new theme song created by Oscar Award winning composer, James Horner.
Couric initially tried using singer Kelis’ “Milkshake” after learning that "The Today Show" was using The Pussy Cat Dolls’ “Don’t Cha” to welcome Meredith Viera.
Oscar winner Robin Williams’ publicist said that after 20 years of sobriety, he is seeking treatment for the following:
1. Alcoholism 2. Outdated impressions of Jimmy Stewart 3. Outdated impressions of Homosexual hair stylists 4. Outdated impressions of Black "soul brothas" from 1976.
16-year-old Keisha Castle-Hughes, who was nominated for an Oscar for her role in "Whale Rider", is indeed expecting a baby as confirmed Friday by her agency. Like so many celebs, Castle-Hughes is planning to launch her own fashion label - a line of maternity clothes called "Bratty Mom".
LONDON, England -- Fashion icon and award-winning singer and actress Cher is clearing her Malibu home of its Gothic contents and reshaping her life in a giant garage sale. Among the items emanating from Cher’s closet cleaning; nearly 800 costumes and pieces of gem encrusted jewelry, over 150 works of art, 30 plus pieces of furniture, an Oscar, a Grammy, an Emmy, 3 Golden Globes, Tom Cruise, Bert and Ernie, Mike Piazza, every “metro sexual” who has ever worn a “salmon” shirt, Peppermint Patty, the brakes for Sonny Bono’s skis, Snagglepuss, Jeff Gordon, and my internet history folder after writing this joke.
One of my primary media affiliations is with Film Threat (www.filmthreat.com). I have a weekly column there called The Bootleg Files, which celebrates classic and kooky movies that can only be found on bootlegged videos and DVDs. I was particulary with last week's column, which focused on a truly inane 1966 animated film. Reprinted courtesy of Film Threat, here is my column:
When it comes to animation, one can have a lively debate regarding which person deserves the title of the greatest animator of all time. However, there won’t be much of a debate regarding the worse animator of all time: Gene Deitch.
Gene who? Well, you may not recognize the name but you will know his work: he was responsible for those sloppy, creepy, utterly unfunny Tom and Jerry and Popeye cartoons in the early 1960s. Deitch actually managed to work with two highly respected animation studios, UPA and Terrytoons, before leaving Hollywood in 1960 to move to Prague. That career switch was rather weird, given that Prague was far behind the Iron Curtain and many Czechoslovakians would’ve rather immigrated to America. But Deitch’s reverse journey came at the request of another Yank expatriate in Prague, film distributor William L. Snyder, who ran Rembrandt Films from the Czechoslovakian capital with the purpose of exporting cheaply-made local movies to unsuspecting American theaters. With Deitch in Prague, Snyder was able to ensure the Americanization of his products.
One of the earlier Snyder-Deitch productions, the fey animated short “Munro,” won an Oscar. But that was their sole artistic triumph. Their Tom and Jerry output and their Popeye cartoons won nothing but contempt – both series were abruptly cancelled due to poor audience reaction. Not willing to be sunk by bad reviews, Snyder and Deitch decided to upgrade from short subjects to feature films, and that leads us to “Alice of Wonderland in Paris.”
If you are expecting anything similar to the Walt Disney odyssey through Wonderland, forget it – the two films have nothing in common except the word “Wonderland” in their respective titles. And as for Lewis Carroll, forget it – he’s never mentioned. In fact, it’s hard to determine just who the Alice of the movie is supposed to be. She’s clearly not the naïve British lass of Victorian times. In this offering, she’s a bourgeois American who wears a bouffant hairdo and a mini-skirt. She’s supposed to be a little girl, but she sounds like a middle aged housewife (Norma MacMillan did the voice for the character).
In this go-round, Alice is already famous (the book “Alice in Wonderland” is spotted on a table). But Alice is bored – she wants to go to Paris. Her obsession with Paris is so strong that she begins to wear a miniature replica of the Eiffel Tower on her head. “Getting to Wonderland was easy,” she rues. “All I had to do was fall down the rabbit hole. But let’s face it – it takes money to get to Paris!”
With uncommonly good timing, a talking French mouse riding a bicycle appears. He’s Francois and he’s on a mission to survey people about the best French cheeses. How he wound up in Alice’s bedroom is a mystery (he was riding through the Parisian sewers, took a wrong turn at Notre Dame, and emerged through a mousehole in another country). Alice is a ninny when it comes to the subject – she only likes cheeseburgers and cottage cheese with jelly – but she humors Francois with the hope that he can take her to Paris. Francois shrinks Alice to mouse-size by having her eat a slice of cheese made with the magic mushroom that shrunk her in Wonderland. (Personally, I prefer the magic mushrooms that Willie Nelson has on his tour bus, but I’m not in this movie.) The newly tiny Alice gets on Francois’ bicycle and they pedal off to Paris. Alice agrees with a comment her father once made: “It’s always best to travel on business.” Huh?
From here, the film conveniently forgets its inane set-up and swings into an anthology of short stories. Francois and Alice take turns prefixing each tale with a “let me tell you about...” opening, and from there the film switches gears into different stories. There are two adventures from the once-popular Madeline series of kiddie books: one has Madeline tolerating Pepito, the boorish son of the Spanish ambassador (he nearly gets killed when his attempt to feed a cat to a pack of dogs goes awry) and the other has Madeline and Pepito running away to join a gypsy circus (when their guardians come searching for them, the gypsies sew the children into a vaudeville lion costume and lock them in a cage – and they like it!).
Other stories involve “Anatole,” a Parisian mouse who becomes the vice president of a cheese company; “The Frowning Prince,” a bizarre comedy about a young royal who is incapable of smiling; and “Many Moons,” a charming James Thurber fantasy about a lunar-obsessed princess which is turned to muck here thanks to some of the tackiest animation ever put on film.
In between stories, Francois tries to gauge Alice’s opinions on cheese. He takes her to a cheese factory and stuffs her with cheese, causing her to turn green. Alice, for her part, wants to meet the storybook character Madeline. One might think an American girl in Paris, circa 1966, would rather meet Alain Delon – but never mind. The magic mushroom spell that shrank Alice abruptly wears off and she shoots back to normal height. But in doing so, she suddenly acquires aerodynamic skills and takes off into flight. Alice soars high into the clouds, waving goodbye to Paris and to all of the storybook characters that turned up in the course of the film. Alice then wakes up and finds herself home – it was all a dream! Oh bloody shit!
The animation in “Alice of Wonderland in Paris” is so horrible that one could imagine the entire film was put together on a lunchbreak. There’s no particular fun in denigrating the work: the ineptitude of Deitch’s artistic vision makes the film a clumsy, unappealing heap. But one could excuse crappy animation if the story was acceptable, yet that’s not the case here. The rickety structure of this production suggests the Attention Deficit Disorder School of Storytelling. And forget about the voice performances: old reliables like Carl Reiner, Howard Morris and Allen Swift were hired but they couldn’t work any magic.
“Alice of Wonderland in Paris” runs a scant 52 minutes, which is very short for a theatrical release; it may have been originally designed for TV. When the film turned up in theaters in early 1966 (via a small distributor called Childhood Productions), its ru
One of the hottest books of 2006, “Zero Credits Remaining”, the tell-all book by Quincy “Q-Bert” Boytelvich, reveals the rowdy days of video game’s Golden Era, and a video game industry turned upside down.
Mr. Boytelvich, who still prefers to be called “Q-Bert” (his Muslim name) has granted me a rare interview about his book and his life, and also shares some interesting stories about his famous video game colleagues
When I recently had a chance sit down with the reclusive author and video game icon, I found his candor very refreshing...
EB: Good to see you, Q-Bert.
Q-Bert: Thank you. Salaam Alechem to you.
EB: I just finished reading the book and I loved it. There are parts, however, that are very revealing. Are you worried about the reaction it might receive from the video game establishment?
Q-Bert: I’m not scared of those assholes. This was my life, and I feel my fans deserve the real story—warts, snakes, magic hammers, and all. The early 80s were a great time to be in video games, but there was definitely a dark side.
EB: In Chapter 5, you go into in great detail about your cocaine addiction.
Q-Bert: Former addiction. Clean for fifteen years this Sunday, knock on wood. What can I say; it was the 80s. Everyone was snorting coke- except for the ones snorting power pellets, it was easy to get hooked. And let me tell you, with a huge schnozz like mine, the addiction can get really expensive. In 1983, I would spend ten grand a week on those pellets.
EB: In Chapter 12, you were quite open about your short marriage to Ms. Pac Man-Qbert-Kennedy- Shriver.
Q-Bert (visibly holding back tears): Ms. Pac-Man was a wonderful woman. She just had too much baggage and too many fucking ex-husbands. And while she only had one eye, it was a wandering eye- if you know what I mean. When I accidentially caught her in a threesome with Dig-Dug and Centipede, that was the final straw.
EB: You could say that she was kind of a dirty whore.
Q-Bert: I didn’t say that, Erik. Don’t put words in my mouth.
EB: But what about Chapter 11 of your book, the chapter you entitled. “Ms. Pac Man is a Dirty Whore”.
Q-Bert: Let’s change the subject.
An Italian stereotype in every way
EB: Okay, let’s discuss the aborted Q-Bert motion picture. It had a huge budget, and renowned director Martin Scorsese attached to it. Other movies adapted from video games have been successful—like Oscar winners Tetris and Madden Football 2002. Why was the Q-Bert movie was never made?
QB: I told Marty [Scorsese] at the beginning, I wasn’t going to move forward without Bobby DeNiro in the lead. But they said Bobby was already committed to Pong The Movie, so Marty offered the role of Q-Bert to my fellow brat-packer Andrew McCarthy instead. But McCarthy was shit in his screen test- he doesn’t even know how to make that Q-Bert ‘boing’ sound! We tried a few other guys who were hot at the time: Tom Selleck, Kirk Cameron, Gallagher, Oliver North, even Luigi from "Mario Bros". I liked Luigi and wanted him, but he presented some other problems.
EB: You talk about the Mario Brothers in your book, specifically Luigi and his reputed Mafia ties.
QB: There was no secret about those so-called “plumbers” and their mob connections. That problem, however, was threatening to poison my goddamn movie set. You see, the head of the Genovese crime family was financially backing the film and they told me the only way I could get Luigi is if I cast “The Princess” from Mario Bros as my leading lady. I told him to go fuck himself.
EB: Pretty brave move.
QB: Hey, nobody tells the Q Man what do to. After I turned down the Mob, I called the head of Paramount and told him the movie project was dead. It practically destroyed my career.
EB: Which leads me to the Chapter 13 in your book, “The Lean Years.”
QB: After the video game crash of ’84, there wasn’t a lot of work for arcade characters like me. I had to take bit roles in other arcade games. For two years, I played an alligator in “Frogger”, and after that I appeared in various two-bit arcades as a pinball bumper. I was really hurting until 1989. That’s when the folks from Nintendo called and asked me to work with them.
EB: You spend a large part of the book ripping today’s video game stars.
QB: You’re damn right. These guys have it easy. Your Lara Crofts, your Grand Theft Autos, and your HALOs never had it like I did. These characters today have missile packs, invisibility cloaks, and even lasers on their tits! All I had to escape from the snakes and those weird fuzz-balls was my two disproportionately small legs.
EB: You sound bitter.
QB: Maybe I am. The graphics in our era were primitive and we liked it that way. Hey, did you know I wasn’t even allowed to curse? Every time I got hurt all I was allowed to say was “@#$%#@”! What is “@%@#%$”? Is that even a fucking word?
EB: A lot of your colleagues are no longer in the video business. Donkey Kong Jr. is a tobacco lobbyist, and I heard Sonic the Hedgehog is a televangelist. Why do you keep at it?
QB: I got to tell you, Erik, I love to work. Something about bouncing and boinking around on those ridiculous squares, I just never get tired of it.
EB: What’s next for Q-Bert?
QB: Nothing much. Right now I’m just relaxing playing a little golf- Golden Tee, of course. Then I’m going to continue my book tour. By the way, if anyone is interested, I’ll be signing my at the Border’s in
I've been a member of the AIM family for quite some time, so there's no doubt I have been an icon whore, probably to suppress some freudian sexual urges, but who knows. I'm not really a psychologist, I just took a few classes and happen to remember how to spell "freudian". But it has occured to me that my latest icon, flashing Steve Harvey's face, has become old and desiccated. I had this epiphony (I only call it an epiphony because it's been such a slow month) about 3 weeks ago, and I have been trying to change it ever since.
My icon was funny at first, now it's just god damn offensive. I don't know why my icon refuses to change, but I am starting to wonder about Steve Harvey's actual whereabouts. Who knows, maybe Snakes on a Plane would have casted him instead. But then you have to wonder, would the movie be as much of a potential blockbuster/oscar nominee that it is now?
I don't know why my icon story turned into this. I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry for my constant "Love Don't Cost a Thing" icon. Blame AIM and Steve Harvey.
I guess it's for the better, because everyone fears change.
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