To stay true to the spirit of the film, the Academy has agreed that if it wins Best Picture, it will win it as the first award of the evening, while winning an unimportant technical category to close the night.

The movie "Milk" has been such a success that plans are already underway to film a sequel about a black gay activist.  The film will be called "Chocolate Milk."  

Joseph Boone, Academy Award winning song writer of You Light Up My Life has turned director and has been accused of sexual assault by several wannabe actresses. Apparently he invited them over his house to audition, told them they would be playing a prostitute, gave them a few shots, and then had them perform sex acts on him. He defended himself by saying, "Hey, I just wanted to make sure they were right for the part."

Heath Ledger won the Oscar for his performance as the Joker at last night's Academy Award ceremonies, beating out Robert Downey Jr. among others. Even though this proves that Ledger was the superior actor Downey remains the superior drug-taker.

And American wakes up to find that the Oscars have been outsourced to India.

Good news--it looks like LA might not have to impose mandatory water restrictions after all.  During last night's Oscars the city got a ton of moisture from Kate Winslet's tears.  

With the recent Oscar nominations for the movie 'Slumdog Millionaire' it appears auditions are on the rise for the game show 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.' Oddly enough, auditions for 'Who Wants To Be a Slumdog' remain the same.

The recent tour of President Barack Obama to economically distraught areas of the country to drum up support for his stimulus package is being touted by some as abuse of the bully pulpit.  The President then regrouped and hired Sesame Street character “Oscar the Grouch” to drum up support, causing critics to then point out abuse of the bully PUPPET.

Said the famed Oscar B. Andersnit of The Media Association of America, "Lies,! Lies,! and triple Lies! We give equal and positive exposure to the GOP Obama!"

Continuing, the newspaper stalwart said, "Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, and Obama. Additionally, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, and, especially, Obama!

But, I can empathize with your erroneous Obama name overusage concerns. In fact, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, and Obama.

And, you elephant people say we are whiners about the economy???!!!  Well, I say Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, and Obama! We report the Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, and, certainly, Obama, without bias, but instead, with fair Obama, Obama, and Obama coverage!"