But the court denied his plea to expunge "Lethal Weapon-part 3 and 4" from his filmography.  

I am Jewish. I like being part of an ethnicity, religion and culture whose highest form of giving is to do so anonymously. But there are things we Jews have provided the world with which are unkosher.

1) ARI FLEISCHER, publicist, author and spin doctor

You served as President George Bush’s Press Secretary where your job was to spin the truth! It is not your fault that Bush gets so excited when he doesn’t make a grammatical mistake, that he forgets about ethical ones. But it doesn’t excuse your choosing to play his towel boy. Jewish Republicans, how are we related and yet have so little in common?

2) KENNY G., elevator musician

Israel could stick Hezbollah militia in a confined, windowless freight elevator and turn up Kenny G.

3) SHMULEY BOTEACH, rabbi, TV producer, actor and sycophant

“Rabbi” Shmuley Boteach wears religion on his sleeve and uses his rabbinical credentials to make a quick buck, be it off of Michael Jackson’s child molestation cases or Boteach’s new reality show “Shalom in the Home.” The author of Kosher Sex clearly was not the product of anything of the sort.

4) ALAN DERSHOWITZ, lawyer, professor, and nudist.

Every year, Allen Dershowitz lounges in his birthday suit on Lucy Vincent beach in Martha’s Vineyard, where, coincidentally, most of the wealthy beach goers wear bathing suits. Perhaps at Harvard, Dershowitz feesl naked in the eyes of actual intellectuals who scoff at his airport books full of flimsy “facts,” but Dershowitz doesn’t need to then expose himself to innocent, limousine liberals. At least, sir, cross your legs.

5) JOHN STOSSEL, author, news reporteresque and bully

Right wing and arrogant TV show hosts who purport to tell objective news but have their own political agenda are never in short supply. Stossell is not unique in blaming the victims, be it of rape and racism and then igniting wrath in those he interviews. His best selling book of propoganda is sure to please the same readers who can’t get enough of Anne Coulter, Bill O’Reilly and other “thinkers.” What would it mean to do unto him as he has done onto others? Perhaps, Stossell can go up against a Smith college rugby team, where gay feminists can tear him a new one.

6) TORI SPELLING, Woman living off of a trust fund, reality TV show star and gossip for a slow news day.

Just as a botched nose job sucks, so do mediocre careers! You are a wealthy and healthy young woman who can quit your “acting” gig. Saying no to the 18th bad TV movie and walking away from your self indulgent reality show will be a gift both to yourself and audiences.

7) WOODY ALLEN, comic genius, writer, director, father and brother-in-law to biological son as well as son-in-law to ex-wfe.

Woody Allen is as great a comedian as it gets, but that doesn’t mean everything Mr. Allen does is pure genius. Bad writing is bad writing. When it comes from someone who has written brilliant stand up, books, films and satire, it is even more painful to read shlock. So the fact that his pieces in The New Yorker are, at best, incomprehensible means that both the magazine and Mr. Allen may want to think of editing. Impulse control is not a bad thing, even if it means not publishing crap, shtupping your daughter etc.

8) JOE LIEBERMAN, politician, centrist, and Jew

It is okay to run as an independent, but not okay to support the current administration. Not because they are Republicans but because they are corrupt.

9) RON SCHEINDER, douchebag

The “actor” took out an advertisement in the trades condemning Mel Gibson, saying he would never work with the guy. While I salute anyone who chooses not to work with Mel Gibson as a a political stand, was it ever really an issue? I mean was Mel just praying he could work with Schneider? How about taking out an advertisment promising not to make any more awful movies.

10) JEWS for JESUS, unemployed and underemployed.

Jews for Jesus. Newsflash: Jews really wish Jesus had kept his day job and now we are skeptical about whether Jews for Jesus can (and should) secure jobs.

PS- My apologies to those who did not make the cut, such as: the father in Capturing the Friedmans who molested his children and their friends; Lizzie Grubman (who ran over poor(er) people because they are poor; and Maury Pauvich, who is his own worst enemy (although Connie Chung's musical theater does not help and nor does philandering with half your production staff.....) Yes, you deserve to be on this list, perhaps more than those who made it, but like life, lists of dubious characters can be unfair.

"He's just not the crazy jesus freak anti-semitic weirdo i fell in love with anymore."

The Mel Gibson Jewish Outreach Tour is finally underway.

It took a few days to get going.  Mel's people couldn't find a listing in the Yellow Pages for "Jewish conspiracy, International".

They called the Dalai Lama.  He gave them Jackie Mason's number.

I don't like to kick somebody when they're down, but there is a history here.

In 2004 Gibson did an interview with Reader's Digest in which he said the Holocaust was "kind of a numbers game.  I mean, when the war was over, they said it was 12 million.  Then it was six.  Now it's four."

Yeah, right.  Sort of like prunes.  Is four million enough?  Is six million too many?

Anyway, here's Mel's community service deal.

1.  He the goy busboy at the Friar's Club for the rest of the summer.  Anybody wants their brisket wrapped up to take home, he's gotta do it.

2.  A month's worth of sensitivity training at the Mort Sahl Center for Interfaith Understanding.  Sarah Silverman will guide Mel through a role-playing session using Barbra Streisand's "Yentl" as a teaching tool.

3.  Gibson will produce a buddy film with Gilbert Gottfried as his sidekick.  Working title:  Lethal Weapon 5: The Mad Moyel.

Let the healing begin!

In an episode that begins filming this week, Chevy Chase guest stars as a TV celebrity who spews religious epithets after being pulled over by police for drunken driving, the network said Tuesday. The story, titled "In Vino Veritas," is scheduled to air November 3.

Although there are similarities between the episode and Mel Gibson's recent legal troubles, a spokesman for NBC noted that the long-running "Law & Order" drama series "is completely fiction."

A spokesman for Mel Gibson denied he has filed a lawsuit because the show's executive producer, Dick Wolf, was Jewish. Wolf, who was born and raised a Catholic, called Gibson's claims "completely fiction".

Mel Gibson criticized the Iraq war during a recent press conference, saying they we shouldn't be shedding needless blood over there. Which makes sense, since they hate Jews, too.

In an interview with Diane Sawyer set to air on "Good Morning America" on Thursday and Friday, Mel Gibson says that though staying sober is a struggle, he has not had a anti-Semitic remark in 65 days.

www.myspace.com/tommymunoz

Paris Hilton had to go to the emergency room on Tuesday for a tetanus shot after being bitten by Baby Luv, her pet kinkajou. It's like Mel Gibson always says, "Kinkajous are responsible for all the tetanus in the world."

Mel Gibson and his soon to be ex-wife will be splitting up $900 million in assets, including a number of insanely expensive estates.

 The "regular" estates will go to his former wife. The "No Jews allowed" estates will be kept by Mel.

Junk mail has really gotten out of hand in the holiday season. Not only do I throw away enough catalogs that probably were made using enough natural resources that would make Al Gore cry, but now families send me their yearly wrap up review in a letter! This is SUCH is woman thing. Oh I’m sexist? Then why do all of the guy spouses call and apologize for sending it?

            Fine you want a yearly review – here’s mine.

Dear everyone who is really bored and slightly nosey,

            Another awesome year for Lenny Marcus kids. Lets see. ’06 started with a surprise right away - In January Lenny got his first hemorrhoid! Wow, that was a surprise! He thought he was dying. I mean it’s not every day you think a little man is growing out of your ass, no matter how many horror films you watch. Then in February Lenny had a date. I know crazy! Then in March, Lenny performed at the Aspen comedy festival. Memories include: Having great sets and nobody caring, a twenty seven hour trip back to New York, and a lot of snow. One of the heads of the festival did send me a fleece jacket though – SWEET! Could have used it when I was sleeping on the floor in the airport due to a blizzard the day I left after missing the last connecting flight out of Denver. Thanks United Airlines! In April Lenny went to Opening Day at Yankees stadium. He also decided not to observe Passover for the first time ever as the Matzoh bread will prevent proper bowel movements until June. The summer was awesome. Lenny had a great start to the softball season and the Gotham Monday team excelled to a 8-2 start. Then Lenny hurt his groin and cried after every game for a month. Lenny began writing and shooting films for Daily Comedy.com that nobody ever reads or watches. Lenny’s bitcom, Superstar Talent has been seen by over 3 people, and is a big hit with his sister! Fall, as always, is Lenny’s busy season – it began with the Yankees choking and ends with the Giants sucking. Highlights for the year include: He performed on 300+ shows and nobody knows who he is, another Letterman audition (getting closer stop asking), and he only paid $9 on his federal tax return.

            Lenny wishes you all joy and happiness (except Mel Gibson).

Happy Holidays everyone.