Mel Gibson's new movie "Apocalypto" is about human sacrifice among the ancient Mayans.

It shares some similarities with "The Passion":

1) It takes place a long time ago.

2) The people in it don't speak American.

3) After the movie comes out, Mel will blame all the world's wars on the Mayans after being arrested by a Mayan cop.

4) My grandmother will hate it.

Paris Hilton had to go to the emergency room on Tuesday for a tetanus shot after being bitten by Baby Luv, her pet kinkajou. It's like Mel Gibson always says, "Kinkajous are responsible for all the tetanus in the world."

Mel Gibson criticized the Iraq war during a recent press conference, saying they we shouldn't be shedding needless blood over there. Which makes sense, since they hate Jews, too.

LONDON -- Patrick Swayze has joined several of Mel Gibson's celebrity friends in defending the actor saying "Gibson is a wonderful human being, he is not anti-Semitic and neither am I, seriously, I mean I danced with Jennifer Grey for Jesus Christ's sake...and it was before she had the surgury to get rid of her Jew nose."

 I spy with my little eye something............Jew.  Wait, I mean blue.

 Jesus Christ called a press conference in Malibu, where he announced that he was coming back to earth...... to be Mel Gibsons AA sponsor

"He's just not the crazy jesus freak anti-semitic weirdo i fell in love with anymore."

For each Google search, choose the correct number of returned search results.*

1. "Suri Cruise" & "Looks Asian"

a). 14,700
b). 79
c). 470

2. "Suri Cruise" & "Slanty Eyes"

a). 0
b). 3
c). 15

3. "Mel Gibson was right"

a). 32
b). 1,220
c). 511

4. "John Mark Karr" & "Boyishly Sexy"

a). 0
b). 14
c). 19,000

5. "Jessica Simpson" & "John Mayer"

a). 4,470,000
b). 1,410,000
c). 9,650,000

6. "Jessica Simpson" & "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad"

a). 19,100
b). 292,000
c). 909

7. "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad" & "Repressed Homosexual"

a). 43
b). 504
c). 838

*search results as of September 14, 2006, 2:35 PM EDT

Answers: 1)c 2)c 3)b 4)a 5)b 6)a 7)a

LOS ANGELES (Oct. 10) - Actor Mel Gibson says his anti-Semitic outburst after a drunk driving arrest last summer was, “Just the stupid rambling of a drunkard,” and he does not want the public to think of him as a monster.

"Fire baaaaad. Jews Baaaaad."

What, I said I was sorry... seriously, what?