Mel Gibson criticized the Iraq war during a recent press conference, saying they we shouldn't be shedding needless blood over there. Which makes sense, since they hate Jews, too.

Junk mail has really gotten out of hand in the holiday season. Not only do I throw away enough catalogs that probably were made using enough natural resources that would make Al Gore cry, but now families send me their yearly wrap up review in a letter! This is SUCH is woman thing. Oh I’m sexist? Then why do all of the guy spouses call and apologize for sending it?

            Fine you want a yearly review – here’s mine.

Dear everyone who is really bored and slightly nosey,

            Another awesome year for Lenny Marcus kids. Lets see. ’06 started with a surprise right away - In January Lenny got his first hemorrhoid! Wow, that was a surprise! He thought he was dying. I mean it’s not every day you think a little man is growing out of your ass, no matter how many horror films you watch. Then in February Lenny had a date. I know crazy! Then in March, Lenny performed at the Aspen comedy festival. Memories include: Having great sets and nobody caring, a twenty seven hour trip back to New York, and a lot of snow. One of the heads of the festival did send me a fleece jacket though – SWEET! Could have used it when I was sleeping on the floor in the airport due to a blizzard the day I left after missing the last connecting flight out of Denver. Thanks United Airlines! In April Lenny went to Opening Day at Yankees stadium. He also decided not to observe Passover for the first time ever as the Matzoh bread will prevent proper bowel movements until June. The summer was awesome. Lenny had a great start to the softball season and the Gotham Monday team excelled to a 8-2 start. Then Lenny hurt his groin and cried after every game for a month. Lenny began writing and shooting films for Daily Comedy.com that nobody ever reads or watches. Lenny’s bitcom, Superstar Talent has been seen by over 3 people, and is a big hit with his sister! Fall, as always, is Lenny’s busy season – it began with the Yankees choking and ends with the Giants sucking. Highlights for the year include: He performed on 300+ shows and nobody knows who he is, another Letterman audition (getting closer stop asking), and he only paid $9 on his federal tax return.

            Lenny wishes you all joy and happiness (except Mel Gibson).

Happy Holidays everyone.

Mel Gibson's movie "Apocalypto" was No. 1 at the weekend box office, despite Mel’s drunk driving arrest and anti-Semitic rant and even though it’s not in English, has no big stars and includes beheadings. Usually films from anti-Semites that are not in English, have no big stars and include beheadings are only on al-Jazeera.

In Louisville, Kentucky, a man who lost his hand in a machine press accident more than 30 years ago became the third successful hand transplant recipient in the U.S. and is doing well the day after the surgery at Jewish Hospital.  The Jews have got a hand in everything.

Iran's Holocaust denial conference earlier this week has been met with near universal condemnation. President Bush called it "an affront to the civilized world." British Prime Minister Tony Blair said it was "shocking beyond belief." Even Mel Gibson was outraged, saying "the accomodations were horrendous."

Mel Gibson's new ultra-violent movie comes out this week. During filming no animals or actors were harmed... just a few bottles of tequila and a lot of Jewish feelings.

Although it debuted as the nation's top movie, Mel Gibson's Apocalypto was criticized in some quarters for scenes of overly-graphic violence and carnage.

Marketing executives were quick to respond, saying this scene does not reflect the experience of the average Taco Bell customer.

An Australian Muslim cleric has urged children to be martyrs for Islam and referred to Jews as pigs in a series of DVDs, sparking condemnation by the government and further straining tensions with the nation’s Muslims.