BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

1) Is it really sexual intercourse if it's a table?  At least my hands are connected to a living, breathing, being!

2) Who could blame the guy???  He's obviously a legs man!

3) Only three times in three months....what?  Was he married to the table?

4) He tilts the table on it's side, that's what happens when you read the Karma Sutra for Dummies!

5) AND IS IT ANY SURPRISE.........he lives in Bellvue???

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It’s George Takei and Ellen DeGeneres. We’re disappointed that California voters passed a ban on gay marriage, and we plan to keep fighting it. What advice do you have for us?


Dear George and Ellen,

I voted in support of gay marriage, so I hope the fight isn’t over. But getting people on board with gay marriage calls for more than just petitions and protests. It's time for some strategy.

You should encourage every gay couple to make their relationship even gayer by adding a third person. If people don’t like gay marriage, give them a taste of extra-strength gay marriage: an all-new, enriched, fortified version, now with 50% more gayness. Before long, they'll miss the days of traditional gay marriage.

The Star Savior 

 A woman accused of hiding a decaying corpse on her toilet so she could continue collecting her Social Security was convicted of a misdemeanor, a prosecutor said Monday.   Authorities say they will now turn their attention to another possible case of a corpse being used to collect Social Security when Wednesday they question the wife of Larry King.

They were actually trying to kill the best man.

Barack Obama is expected to nominate Hillary Clinton to be his Secretary of State on Monday.  It will be interesting to see how Hillary handles having a male boss.  It will the first time she has been underneath a man since her wedding night.

A former classmate of mine just got married and every message she puts on facebook pertains to her new husband. One said, "I am going to a young marrieds group at my church. What a blessing!" This was one hundred and one of one hundred and one of these. So I wrote, "I am going to a young singles group at my pagan temple. What a blessing! We are also sacrificing a virgin. Any takers."

My estranged wife will lie if she wants you to lay her. 

During the long election campaign, someone in the McCain camp referred to Sarah Palin as a diva. When President Bush heard this on the news, he turned to wife Laura and blared out, "Wow, this gal's really something...I mean, living in Alaska and into the scuba thing!" 

At the just-ended 2008 Governor's Conference Sarah Palin was asked by a Canadian journalist how she would address French President, Nicolas Sarkozy. She claimed, "I don't have his address. Sorry." When further queried about how to address him in person, she replied, "Sir Sarkozy, I really  like Buckingham Palace and the piece you were last married to. You do well for yourself!"

It doesn't mean they'll be teaching homosexuality in public schools. You'll still have to experiment with it in college like we all did.