A severely brain-damaged woman in an unresponsive, vegetative state showed clear signs on brain imaging tests that she was aware of herself and her surroundings, researchers reported today.

When they are done studying Jessica Simpson, the researchers plan to study Anna Nicole Smith, Keith Richards and the mysterious consciousness of Paris Hilton.

Keith Richards underwent brain surgery on Monday to remove a blood clot. Richards is not expected to recover to full mental capacity—just to what he had before.

A suspicious white powder has been discovered hidden in a shipment of dictionaries.

“Nosey” workers spotted the unprincipled packets — which were headed for Madrid, Spain — at a post office in the Dominican Republic. Officials from the National Drug Control Agency intercepted them and found “a white powder that appears to be cocaine,” sewn into the lining of the books. Wasting no time, the NDCA called in Special Agent Keith Richards, who quickly confirmed the substance to indeed be booger sugar.

This is the third time in two months that drugs have been found sewn into book covers or cards bound for Spain from the Caribbean nation, prompting President Barack Obama to include the Dominican Republic on his list of 20 major drug producers. 

Not surprisingly, Amy Winehouse continues to hold the top spot on his list of 20 major drug consumers.

Keith Richards has been cast to portray Captain Jack Sparrow's (Johnny Depp) father in the third "Pirates of the Carribean" movie, in a move welcomed by everyone except the screenwriter who replied, "How the HELL do I write dialogue for someone who mumbles incoherently?" The studio added to the challenge by casting Bob Dylan as Sparrow's uncle.

Actress Mackenzie Phillips has entered rehab for a tenth time. That's two more than Ozzy Osborne and only thirty-seven behind Keith Richards. 

www.jerrywolski.com

I was one of those unlucky ones who didn't get a ticket to Michael Jackson's memorial.  So I settled for the next closest thing and got a ticket to see Keith Richards.

Really, is anyone surprised?