Due to global warming,game 7 of the National Hockey League Finals was skated on thin ice. 

A white, frigid mass that keeps getting bigger and bigger--scientists have named the glacier Kirstie Alley.

I really believe in global warming.I stared at the sun recently,and I'm much blinder than the last time I stared at the sun.

L'AQUILA, Italy – President Barack Obama joined other world leaders on Wednesday in backing new targets for battling global warming, supporting a goal of keeping the world's average temperature from rising more than 2 degrees Celsius (3.6 degrees Fahrenheit).  This enormous task will be accomplished by putting muzzles on the 4 hosts of "The View".

Climatologists have narrowed down the origins of global warming to tainted Baked Alaska. 

When I meet women,I immediately start talking about global warming.It's a real icebreaker. 

A lot of people don't understand all the interconnected causes of global warming and other environmental crises going on right now, so I now break it down like this:

You ever see a fat guy wearing sweat pants in the summer because it's the only thing that fits?

That fat guy is the Earth, and we have become so bloated with people and factories and cars that we have shoved ourselves into a pair of carbon sweat pants. 

And the sweat collecting underneath his drooping man-tits? That's the melting polar ice caps.

The number of Americans who believe there is solid evidence the Earth is warming because of pollution is at its lowest point in three years, according to a survey released Thursday. The poll of 1,500 adults by the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press found that only 57 percent believe there is strong scientific evidence the Earth has gotten hotter over the past few decades, and as a result, people are viewing the situation as less serious. That's down from 77 percent in 2006, and 71 percent in April 2008.  ***MARLAR: Upon hearing the news, Al Gore said it really burns him up, makes him hot under the collar, and gets his blood boiling.

Britain's Conservative party will propose stopping global warming by banning plasma TVs and other energy-using electronic luxuries.  ***MARLAR: And that’s the CONSERVATIVE party in Britain!  What’s the LIBERAL party want to ban . . . eating? 

I am glad to see Newsweek using sex to promote the magazine(Sarah Palin cover).  The awful covers of the past were the most unattractive containing the ugliest people.  Now, I hope your highly trained publishing staff takes it to a new level.  Let’s have fold outs of Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Molly Ivin ( oops sorry, past away),  and of course Michelle!.  These could be done tastefully…like that Burt Reynolds fold out years ago.  In order to be politically correct, how about Senators Bird, Reed, and maybe even commentators such as Keith Olbermann.  He is always looking for ways to promote himself-look at Sunday Night Football (talk about odd ball-it's like having Bozo in a discussion with scientists on Global Warming). I would add Limbaugh and some others, but they are not good looking enough for your high quality publication.  I suggest sticking to Liberals, The Beautiful People! Why, maybe your editors could win the Nobel Peace prize for Literature using sex.  After all, sex is true peace!   Gene Stray