Richard Belzer reads from Barack Obama's inaugural address and George Carlin's FBI file.

Rep. Barney Frank was re-elected to his 15th term  by the people of the 4th district of Massachusetts.  Fortunately for Frank, most of the people in his district did not vote a "straight ticket." 

Upon hearing that Barack Obama won the American election, hundreds of would-be undocumented workers approaching the U.S. border turned around and headed back to Mexico. Indeed, Obama’s plans to bankrupt the country are secretly his solution to unchecked immigration.

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It’s George Takei and Ellen DeGeneres. We’re disappointed that California voters passed a ban on gay marriage, and we plan to keep fighting it. What advice do you have for us?


Dear George and Ellen,

I voted in support of gay marriage, so I hope the fight isn’t over. But getting people on board with gay marriage calls for more than just petitions and protests. It's time for some strategy.

You should encourage every gay couple to make their relationship even gayer by adding a third person. If people don’t like gay marriage, give them a taste of extra-strength gay marriage: an all-new, enriched, fortified version, now with 50% more gayness. Before long, they'll miss the days of traditional gay marriage.

The Star Savior 

Tim Horton's announced today that they are giving away free donuts to everyone who voted.  I'm thinking of taking off work, running over to Tim Horton's across the street, and telling them that I was registered by ACORN - that way I can get enough donuts for everyone in my group!

Barack Obama has won the election, and African-Americans across the country are cheering, jumping, and crying tears of happiness. You'd think O.J. just got acquitted. 

John McCain lost by a significant margin  to Barack Obama.  In fact, McCain finished third in voting behind David Archuleta. 

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It’s Lindsay Lohan. In an interview, I said I was looking forward to having Barack Obama as “our first colored president.” It’s getting some attention. It's clear how much I support Obama, so that little slip-up isn’t a big deal, is it?


Dear Lindsay,

I understand your excitement about having a colored president, but there’s no time to sit back and enjoy it. It’s time to start thinking about the next election, so that Obama won’t be our last colored president.

You should use your status to encourage young people to “Spook the Vote.” You could organize a rally called the “Spade Raid.” And you could count on the full support of the colored community — once they get here in their time machines.

The Star Savior

An American farmer was undecided on who to vote for on November 4.  Out of complete desperation, he decided to ask his chickens, "Should I vote for John McCain or Barak Obama?'  The chickens all answered, "BARAK! BARAK! BARAK!"

Claudio from Toronto Canada