November 13 - November 19

"The bottom line is, I didn't want to put off pursuing stand-up comedy any longer."

-Donald Rumsfeld, explaining his resignation as Secretary of Defense.

DailyComedy.com's Irresponsible Gossip of The Week:

K-Fed is divorcing Britney and Rumsfeld is leaving the White House at the exact same time. Coincidence, or lovers?

On Monday, four military newspapers- Army Times, Air Force Times, Navy Times and Marine Corps Times will call for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld.

"Guess what bitches," said Rumsfeld, "I still got the Coast Guard Gazette."

Donald Rumsfeld gave an emotional farewell to Pentagon employees on Friday. “I leave believing that the American people are wise and decent," he said, "and I confirm it by listening to their phone calls.”

Donald Rumsfeld announced that since he's no longer employed, he'll try to get some Christmas shopping done. Well, he plans on going into a mall, but he has no idea how or when he'll get out.

Barbequing in carports now punishable by genital electrocution.

Donald Rumsfeld is stepping down as Secretary of Defense, screaming, "If I can't play with my bomb, I'm going to go home!!!"

According to a Congressional report, the Pentagon can’t account for over 14,000 weapons it’s supplied to Iraqi forces since the end of 2003.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is adamant the arms haven’t been lost, they’re just secretly hidden in the same special place as Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction.

The top United States’ general defended Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, by saying, “He leads in a way that the good Lord tells him his best for our country.”  He later added, “Also the good Lord doesn’t like innocent Iraqi civilians very much.”