President Bush conceded that "right now it's tough" for American forces in Iraq.

Donald Rumsfeld then added, "That's just 'right now'. Tomorrow we'll be winning again."

A double amputee Iraq war vet was mugged outside a restaurant. According to a police officer, the thieves stole the Marine's arm and leg.

"Oops," he said, correcting himself, "that was Rumsfeld. The thieves took $500."

WASHINGTON - Sen. Hillary Clinton scolded Donald Rumsfeld at a Senate hearing, saying he is presiding over a "failed policy" in Iraq and Afghanistan.

To which Rumsfeld responded, "Your husband does fat chicks."

The White House has conceded that the terror suspects held by the U.S. have a right, under international law, to Human rights protection under the Geneva Conventions.

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld then immediately ordered each prisoner be given a copy of the Geneva Conventions' rules, by having them burned into their backs and thighs with a soldering iron.