Rumsfeld, Cheney frantically search for receipt.

Bush tells Rumsfeld, "sorry, dude, you'll have to crash somewhere else."

President Bush conceded that "right now it's tough" for American forces in Iraq.

Donald Rumsfeld then added, "That's just 'right now'. Tomorrow we'll be winning again."

Bush thought he was hiring Microsoft's Bill Gates, but is sure this one's, "A fine man," too.

Satan said to be freaking out that Donald Rumsfeld is now "out there and looking."

On top of everything else, Robert Gates took Rumsfeld's best friend too.

On Monday, four military newspapers- Army Times, Air Force Times, Navy Times and Marine Corps Times will call for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld.

"Guess what bitches," said Rumsfeld, "I still got the Coast Guard Gazette."

Donald Rumsfeld is stepping down as Secretary of Defense, screaming, "If I can't play with my bomb, I'm going to go home!!!"

According to sources, the Army Times, the U.S. Army's offical newspaper, is running an astonishing editorial, openly calling for Rumsfeld to resign mere days before an election.

The Army Times comics page is also being critical of the Secretary of Defense, as seen in this Beetle Bailey cartoon...

"Beetle, how many times do I have tell you-

Donald Rumsfeld is incompetent doochebag!"

According to a Congressional report, the Pentagon can’t account for over 14,000 weapons it’s supplied to Iraqi forces since the end of 2003.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is adamant the arms haven’t been lost, they’re just secretly hidden in the same special place as Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction.