Donald Rumsfeld is stepping down as Secretary of Defense, screaming, "If I can't play with my bomb, I'm going to go home!!!"

November 13 - November 19

"The bottom line is, I didn't want to put off pursuing stand-up comedy any longer."

-Donald Rumsfeld, explaining his resignation as Secretary of Defense.

Sighting the need for "fresh eyes" at The Pentagon, President Bush has nominated Robert Gates to replace Donald Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense.

A look at where these eyes have been for the past 20 years:

Barbequing in carports now punishable by genital electrocution.

So Mr. Rumsfeld has been let go.  Sounds like he has a lot of free time now.  Let's send him to Iraq to run around and dodge bullets, car bombs and friendly fire.  We'll make sure he has the best in military body armor.  I have some extra pots, pans and maybe some catcher's equipment.   

DailyComedy.com's Irresponsible Gossip of The Week:

K-Fed is divorcing Britney and Rumsfeld is leaving the White House at the exact same time. Coincidence, or lovers?

Inspired by Ted Haggard, he is open to discussing his "Modern Republican Lifestyle."

President Bush announced yesterday afternoon that Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld resigned because the departing secretary recognized “the value of a fresh perspective.” 

He later said, “And by ‘a fresh perspective’, I mean ‘one exactly like mine but with fewer American people hating him.'”

Secretary of Defense Ronald Rumsfeld resigned stating:

"I'm just not getting rich fast enough from this war in Iraq"