Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It’s George Takei and Ellen DeGeneres. We’re disappointed that California voters passed a ban on gay marriage, and we plan to keep fighting it. What advice do you have for us?


Dear George and Ellen,

I voted in support of gay marriage, so I hope the fight isn’t over. But getting people on board with gay marriage calls for more than just petitions and protests. It's time for some strategy.

You should encourage every gay couple to make their relationship even gayer by adding a third person. If people don’t like gay marriage, give them a taste of extra-strength gay marriage: an all-new, enriched, fortified version, now with 50% more gayness. Before long, they'll miss the days of traditional gay marriage.

The Star Savior 

Steven Warshak, owner of Enzyte, was found guilty of 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering and sentenced to 25 years in prison. His spokesman stated that Steven was "Doing intensive field study reformulating the recipe and will add 2 new ingredients, black cock and his ass."

With songs like:

1. You Don't Smoke Plumbers Crack

2. Bald is Beautiful, But I'm Butt Ugly

3. 2-Hour Lunch Break, My Ass!

4. I'm Knocking On Your Back Door, Wink, Wink

5. Whip Me, Beat Me, But Don't Make Me Over Bill

6. Your Daughter's Cute, When Does She Turn 13?

7. Is That A Monkey Wrench In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me Grab Your Cock?

8. Keep Your Dog Away From My Crotch(Instrumental)

9. There's A Lein On Your Vehicle, Bitch!

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According to the Daily News, a NJ City Councilman got so inebriated at a concert that he urinated off the balcony onto the people below. Obama's message of of change is really sweeping accross the nation. For once, politicians are pissing on us instead of shitting on us.

I find myself addicted to Dr. Phil and was watching an episode called the Brat House. It was a bunch of under parented children and their nitwit parents. One kid slapped his mother and his mother did nothing. If that were my mama she would have said, “You think you’re so tough. Well you messed with the wrong woman on menopause.” And then she would have proceeded to go kung foo on my ass.

NSYNC singer Lance Bass has revealed that he is two inches shorter following cosmonaut training he received in Russia in 2002. Unfortunately, something similar happened to me. In fact, if it wasn't for the two years I spent at NASA, today I would be an international porn star.  

10. Every guy you go out with pays for dinner, pulls out the chair and lets you order first. Its not cause he's a nice guy. Its cause you saw that prison tattoo and know in your heart he's been waiting for years for this date.

9. You like to date guys in prison because they stay loyal. Hey, convictmailbag.com

8. You dated a guy who escaped from prison at one point. Hey, handy and resourceful.

7. You know junkies make the best boyfriend. Hey becoming a $200 a day heroin user requires ambition and skill

6. You had a boyfriend come to your door asking for drug money. When he told you that you gained weight seconds later you waived the dollar bill in front of his face and watched him feind.

5. You know you should marry a junkie because he gives you money, shoots up, nods off, and then you can go off and do your own thing.

4. You had an ex start a group against you on myspace where his fat lackies kept tabs on you via blog.

3. Your ex-boyfriends have made up girlfriends in order to keep up with your record of junkies, degenerates, and dirty old men.

2. Your lawyer ex knows another one of your exes because he represented him at one point.

1. Everytime police sirens are heard in the neighborhood, everyone knows you just ended a relationship.

My cousin is currently dating a hooker. Is it just me or would it suck to have a girl who cheated on you everytime she went to work?

President Bush`s scottish terrier Barney bit a white house reporter yesterday,even his dog is an asshole .

I was feeling kind of down about myself and then got a phone call about a former classmate of mine. Apparently he is not only trying to quit heroin but has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and is living in a half way house. Im like wow, I guess Im not doing so bad.