Oprah will be give away free Cadillacs to everyone who attends Obama's inaguration party. (This will also help the economy)

As long as the Yankees GM isn't out of cash it isn't bad news.

The plan would bail out GM, Ford, Chrysler, and the Lions. 

John Daly is in their new price range.

The Seattle Mariners have come up with a list of seven candidates to be their next GM. The team plans to go with who ever selects the shortest straw.

Plans are underway to revive the Three Stooges as a major motion picture set for release  next year.   Producers can't decide whether to make the movie about the antics of Larry, Moe, and Curly or the CEOs of GM, Ford, and Chrysler.

Today, a national chain of funeral parlors sent its portfolio to Fox News' advertising execs. This mega-monster corporate corpse believes in the Henry Ford-production-line - they have adopted a system of a solemn and serious and yet very fast, expeditious and effective wake ceremony preceding the burial of folks.

"This company advertises by blimps, planes, bulldozers, fork lifts, helicopters, trains, automobiles and even by way of submarie with funny little jokes and such written all over them. And they employ thousands of  "drivers." See, they actually pay people to drive around in the cars that have these signs slapped all over them.

The company's motto is "Putting the 'Fun' back in 'Funerals.'" It's name: Welcome to the World of the Quickest Funeral Around!!!"

"Business has been kind of dead lately, but we plan to sell another advertisement or two during the next few years," a Fox News Sales Exec related to the Daily Comedy team of investigative comedians.

"Today, we had a call from some inventor who just invented a glow-in-the dark preying mantis-looking transformer that actually uses a heat-seeking device attached," the sales exec added. "That thing can find small insects. It makes some darned little mouth movement that similates the eating of these bugs. It's a cute little toy and though it accidentally bit off a child's arm, we're tinkering around with the software codes inside its skull to make it a bit more user friendly."

"We're also expecting a call any day now from some inventor out of Cheyenne, Wash., who has just invented a horse that drinks gasoline," this source added. "No water, no-no-no; just gasoline - how inventive, huh?"

"And then there's the glow-in-the-dark Bill O'Reilly Dog that howls like a werewolf, tries to tear your fingers off and then - you'll never guess what happens next - that cute little canine with Bill's handsome face actually catches itself on fire and plays the Star Spangled Banner during this portion of its act. . .And then there's -...."