Junk mail has really gotten out of hand in the holiday season. Not only do I throw away enough catalogs that probably were made using enough natural resources that would make Al Gore cry, but now families send me their yearly wrap up review in a letter! This is SUCH is woman thing. Oh I’m sexist? Then why do all of the guy spouses call and apologize for sending it?

            Fine you want a yearly review – here’s mine.

Dear everyone who is really bored and slightly nosey,

            Another awesome year for Lenny Marcus kids. Lets see. ’06 started with a surprise right away - In January Lenny got his first hemorrhoid! Wow, that was a surprise! He thought he was dying. I mean it’s not every day you think a little man is growing out of your ass, no matter how many horror films you watch. Then in February Lenny had a date. I know crazy! Then in March, Lenny performed at the Aspen comedy festival. Memories include: Having great sets and nobody caring, a twenty seven hour trip back to New York, and a lot of snow. One of the heads of the festival did send me a fleece jacket though – SWEET! Could have used it when I was sleeping on the floor in the airport due to a blizzard the day I left after missing the last connecting flight out of Denver. Thanks United Airlines! In April Lenny went to Opening Day at Yankees stadium. He also decided not to observe Passover for the first time ever as the Matzoh bread will prevent proper bowel movements until June. The summer was awesome. Lenny had a great start to the softball season and the Gotham Monday team excelled to a 8-2 start. Then Lenny hurt his groin and cried after every game for a month. Lenny began writing and shooting films for Daily Comedy.com that nobody ever reads or watches. Lenny’s bitcom, Superstar Talent has been seen by over 3 people, and is a big hit with his sister! Fall, as always, is Lenny’s busy season – it began with the Yankees choking and ends with the Giants sucking. Highlights for the year include: He performed on 300+ shows and nobody knows who he is, another Letterman audition (getting closer stop asking), and he only paid $9 on his federal tax return.

            Lenny wishes you all joy and happiness (except Mel Gibson).

Happy Holidays everyone.

Bad writing is like bad cooking – you know it immediately upon impact and it is never tasty – unless you hold it up to ridicule, of course.

Here is an unedited text that is supposed to go into the publication where I am currently laboring.  I won’t ID the writer here, but let’s just say this is actually one of her better efforts! 

<<< 

Use and Abuse of Web Videos - Signed, Anonymous

Former presidential candidate Al Gore’s documentary “An Inconvenient Truth” made waves this summer as both a blockbuster hit and a requiem on the state of global warming, but last week a controversy surrounding the movie surfaced, putting a public affairs/PR firm in the hot seat: A video spoof of Gore’s film shown on YouTube.com that was allegedly created by a 29-year-old Beverly Hills resident has been traced back to a computer registered with Washington D.C.-based DCI Group.  While the firm has declined to comment on why press communications with the supposed video maker appear to originate in their office, the news raised eyebrows all around, especially considering that DCI counts once-environmental-offender Exxon Mobile Corp. among its clients.

Al Gore and DCI Group do have one thing in common, though.  Both have used the Internet as a tool to position themselves in the global warming debate.  Gore and his film distributor Paramount Classics used a Web video on YouTube.com to generate word-of-mouth buzz before the release of the film, while DCI Group has used its opinion Web site Tech Central Station to raise doubts about the legitimacy of global warming.  The conclusion: Web videos are playing an increasing role in PR, adding yet another dimension to new-media channels.

>>>

Okay, now let's play the copy editor from hell and dissect this inert body:

“Former presidential candidate Al Gore’s documentary “An Inconvenient Truth” made waves this summer as both a blockbuster hit and a requiem on the state of global warming, but last week a controversy surrounding the movie surfaced, putting a public affairs/PR firm in the hot seat”

Two clichés in one sentence (made waves and the hot seat), plus aa bizarre definition of his film (how can you have a requiem for something that is still alive?).  

“A video spoof of Gore’s film shown on YouTube.com that was allegedly created by a 29-year-old Beverly Hills resident has been traced back to a computer registered with Washington D.C.-based DCI Group.  While the firm has declined to comment on why press communications with the supposed video maker appear to originate in their office, the news raised eyebrows all around, especially considering that DCI counts once-environmental-offender Exxon Mobile Corp. among its clients.”

More clichés (the reference to “raised eyebrows all around” makes it seem like a population of Groucho Marx imitators have taken over).  And is there any importance that the spoofer was a 29-year-old Beverly Hills resident?  And how about “once-environmental-offender Exxon Mobile Corp.” (Exxon is in the cell phone business now?).

“Al Gore and DCI Group do have one thing in common, though.  Both have used the Internet as a tool to position themselves in the global warming debate.  Gore and his film distributor Paramount Classics used a Web video on YouTube.com to generate word-of-mouth buzz before the release of the film, while DCI Group has used its opinion Web site Tech Central Station to raise doubts about the legitimacy of global warming.  The conclusion: Web videos are playing an increasing role in PR, adding yet another dimension to new-media channels.”

The conclusion: if the writer of this story was the navigator on the Santa Maria, Columbus would've discovered Spain.