Since singer Susan Boyle (who professes being a virgin) has been on TV, there's been a marked drop in suicide bombings.

Apparently many of the terrorists didn't realize what a virgin looked like

Toyota's problems are widespread and scary! Everyone is frightened!

I got in a friend's Prius the other day and, when he turned the ignition on, the voice in the navigation unit started reciting the Rosary.

Vanilla Ice performed at halftime of a New Jersey Nets game. To make the Nets look good in comparison.

Just as Miami's hotels, restaurants and retail stores are seeing a bump in business for one of the biggest sporting events of the year, law enforcement and social service agencies say they are also witnessing a spike in trafficking of underage sex workers.

As a result, volunteers are out in force in Miami, Florida, this Super Bowl weekend to try to try to get teenage girls off the streets… by moving them into Charlie Sheen's house. 

I had a falling out with my skydiving instructor.

A company planning to open the first hotel in space says it will be able to accept its first paying guests in 2012.  The hotel amenities will include high-end toiletries, a mini-bar, and a beautiful view of the Earth’s demise.

Economy experts claim that the threat of swine flu has drastically lowered hog prices, costing the industry more than $1 billion.  As a result, scientists in New York City are desperately searching for a new strain of virus they can call the “rent flu”.

Wal-Mart has introduced a line of caskets for sale in its online store.  To better serve the typical Wal-Mart consumer, they’ll offer three sizes – large, extra-large and “We’ll have to remove a wall.”

   A man-friendly ad:  "Our ladies' pajamas are simply tops!" 

...the U.S. military is going to provide aid to 50,000 Haitians at the Port-Au-Prince golf course.  With all the problems these people are having, who has time for golf ? 

Jersey Shore" dimwitted diva Snookie, again embarassing her teachers in Marlboro, NY by declaring New Jersey fighting for the "South" during the Civil War. Seems she was thrown off by the word "Civil".