A new national poll conducted by CNN shows that 7 out of 10 Americans think Sarah Palin is not qualified to be president.

A similar poll conducted by CNN shows that 3 out of 10 Americans are retarded. 

 New York City will celebrate the Yankees' 27th World Series title with a celebration parade today.  Parade confetti will consist of ticker tape, newspaper, and shredded Mets' season tickets.  

   While brutishly pursuing an attractive American secretary in his employ, one US-based foreign oil executive behaved in an openly inappropriate manner.

   Eventually, the arrogant tycoon was successfully sued for over $6 million; allowing him to perceive, for the first time, the high price of "crude."   

During an appearance on “Larry King Live”, singer/awful actress Mariah Carey revealed that she was “emotionally abused” in a past relationship.

That’s funny… I said the same thing after seeing “Glitter”. 

In an interview with “Good Morning America” on Thursday, singer Rihanna discussed domestic violence and her relationship with Chris Brown, saying: “Forget about love… Love is so blind.”

Yeah it is! Especially when your eyes are black and blue and swollen shut! 

...a man who had sex with a horse was sentenced to 3 years in prison.  Man denied doing anything wrong and insists that he and the horse had a stable relationship. 

A man had a major heart attack at a ping pong tournament.Fortunately, they were able to get the paddles on him very quickly. 

The New York Mets will be participating in the Yankees Word Series parade.They will be removing trash from the streets,for their only sweep of the season. 

In related news, Barack Obama announced he will increase funding for PBS and will appoint Elmo as his new media czar.

The Obama administration should bar a $1.5 billion wind-farm project in Texas from receiving U.S. government stimulus funds because most of the power turbines would be made in China, Senator Charles Schumer said.   I say build the wind-farm in DC and power it with all the hot air coming from Congress. 

Coincidentally, 950 is also the average number of tries for a typical Florida driver.